|
mary rosenblum
|
Hello, all. I hope you had a
good weekend.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And if you haven't yet voted,
don't forget to get out there and do it!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is the Tuesday Forum with
me, Mary Rosenblum, LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're
doing a hands on 'pacing' workshop today. If you're new here, remember that
you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word bubble' next
to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a
question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't
reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question to reach me.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is another of our 'hands
on' workshops, where people have sent me pieces of writing ahead of time.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We're talking about pacing
today.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is something that most
'how to write' books cover in a sketchy fashion if at all.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Partly that is because it is a
difficult topic to teach.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It is not a single issue, but
rather a compilation of many different techniques....
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
both of language and context.
|
|
gail
|
I am attempting to create a
"hectic pace" but am currently running my characters TOO
relentlessly. I need to build in some slower points that allow deepening
characterisations and setting illustrations, but am having difficulty
slowing the characters' (necessary) "rush" just enough to enable
this development. Am I correct in believing that if the reader is to feel
the haste, it must be in the pacing?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Abolutely, gail.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And one of the issues in
pacing is dramatic arc.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If you simply charge ahead at
a dead run, you 'desensitize' your readers or just plain exhaust them.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
They are rushing, rushing,
rushing and after awhile that pace feels monotonous.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Just as a long, slow,
unvarying crawl would.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What MAKES pace is the
variation from slow to fast to slow...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Your dramatic arc to the
climax is not a slow build...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but rather a jagged
line...many small peaks of tension and 'soft' spots...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and your pacing reinforces
these peaks and valleys...fast as you approach the peak, slow in between.
|
|
gail
|
That's my take on the story --
thus far. :)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If your story is one long
chase scene...we are panting right along with your characters and may not
last until the climax!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But if we pause to snatch some
food and get a drink...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and during this momentary
pause, two characters interact, maybe argue...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
revealing some back story or
deepening the characterization...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
when we take off again on the
next 'chase segment' (we hear the pursuers approaching)...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
the reader can contrast that
breakneck run with the brief pause and the change in pace is quite vivid...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
plus we have had time to get
to know the characters a bit more and pick up some back story.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So your pace tends to be fast,
slow, fast, slow...
|
|
tkat_2
|
My instructor here told me that
most of page 5 to my story was busy but it slowed the pace. Her edits
worked to pick up the pace.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Busy doesn't mean fast paced,
tkat.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I'm working on some novel
submissions for a writers workshop I'm doing at a conference this weekend.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
One ms is FULL of action,
activity, details...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and it is VERY slow because of
that.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Too many unneeded details bog
the story down, even if your character is running around like a headless
chicken.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The more words you have, the
slower your pace tends to be.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Think about how you acquire
information in the real world.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If you are strolling through
the park, what do you notice?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Lots of details right?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You have nothing better to do,
nothing on your mind, you can pay attention...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
to the delicate shade of
purple of the violets, the pine needles, the textures of leaves and moss...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What do you notice if you are
being chased by a pack of huge, snarling feral dogs?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Not the flowers, I bet. Nor
the textures, nor colors...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You are watching the path
ahead to make sure you don't trip...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and everything else is a blurr
that you're probably not even aware of.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If you were to include all
those details from the stroll, the chase would seem unreal, not dangerous
at all and sort of in slow motion...
|
|
forest elf
|
I loved Lord of the Rings ...
but Tolkien was too wordy.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Oh he is, but you know what?
He gets away with it because the language is as important a part of the
story as the plots and the characters...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but Tolkien is unique, the
trilogy is a master work, and don't EVER use him as an excuse to be wordy!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Unless you can do it better.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is the Tuesday Forum with
me, Mary Rosenblum, LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're
doing a hands on 'pacing' workshop today. If you're new here, remember that
you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word bubble' next
to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a
question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't
reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question to reach me.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Well, I do have some examples
I've been sent...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and I haven't even looked them
over, so we'll do this together!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I'll drop them in here, and
then I'll make suggestions for the content changes that would pick up the
pace...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and do some line editing if
needed...whatever works in this format!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
"Ray, I need to talk to
you, but I need to go check with the firemen right now.
|
|
right back."
|
|
|
barely audible. Because of
his drunken state,
|
|
|
to the firemen. Hanging his
head in shame, he walked
|
|
|
barn and dropped like a
stone on the ground. Burying his
|
|
|
began to cry. Peggy paced
the yard in front of him.
|
|
|
drowning himself in self
pity, Ray couldn't stand the
|
|
|
shaking, he wiped his eyes
on the sleeve of his
|
|
|
the strength to stand. It
was hard to keep
|
|
|
of his overnight binge,
still alive in his body.
|
|
|
the burning house, although
in his state, it was more
|
|
|
made him dizzy and
confused. He was determined to
|
|
|
try to make his life whole
again. Tim was standing in his
|
|
|
into him. His efforts to
get to the burning house, came
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
but he was showing
unbelievable strength right now.
|
|
|
and push past Tim. The fire
chief was quickly
|
|
|
try to keep him from going
into the house.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay, we have a scene that
should really bring us to the edges of our seats here.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is a man whose kids are
in that burning house, I gather.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And yes, at the end, he dashes
to the house and tries to get inside...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but most of this scene is very
slow and introspective. Now his musings, DO give us information...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but remember that reality is
more important than information if you want your readers to believe your
world.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We have kids in a house and
what should be a state of crisis. But at the beginning we have a woman
seemingly quite calm telling Ray that she needs to talk to the firemen and
Ray weeping in self pity.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So here, I assume there is no
real crisis...that the building is burning, Ray has messed up, and it's
nothing more than that.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Suddenly we have kids in the
house! Would the woman speak so seemingly calmly? Even if they're not HER
kids...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
there are kids in there!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If she blames Ray...does
she?...I'd expect to hear that in her voice... or at least hear the sound
of the crisis of the moment. "Just stay there," Carrie snarled.
"Just don't move'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now she doesn't say she wants
to talk to him later rigth? But WOULD she?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
THat is the calm and
information packed, logical statement of someone who is NOT under pressure.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Ray, please wait here while I
talk to the firemen. I need to talk to you as soon as I'm done.'
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now if I was at my neighbor's
house fire and Mandy and Jackie were inside and Ray was somehow
invovled...I'd scream at him.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Just stay there! Just keep out
of our way!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Something like that.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And that tells us this is a
crisis moment, no we don't know exactly what she means...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but she's not really thinking
rationally right now, she's worried about dying kids!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay...she screams at him and
the pace takes off with a bang. Now Ray wilts, sniffling indrunken self
pity... Okay you can do that...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but technically, this is WAY
too long.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yes, he may do that for
several minutes, but don't subject us to it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Again, this is a scene full or
urgency. All we need to know is that he wilts into self pity.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is not a scene to try and
shoehorn information into the reader.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Ray slumped to the ground,
sobbing. His kids! Oh, gods, his fault! He staggered to his feet, nearly
fell, stumbled across the lawn, the heat from the flames scorching his
face.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
"Bobby! Susan!"
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
"Who there." Tim
grabbed him. "Nothing you can.."
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Ray slugged him and charged
toward the building, shielding his eyes with his arm...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay.I'm inferring some things
that aren't obvious in the example...such as his perceived guilt
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But what I am doing is showing
the reader the action that you described. Instead of 'in spite of being
drunk, ray was showing incredible strength now...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We see Tim try to stop him, he
decks Tim, and charges at the fire.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The fire chief can tackle
him...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but by stripping ALL
unnecessary narrative out of this, by baldly describing the actions only...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
we make the reader feel as if
we are seeing the scene (that's basic show dont tell)...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
AND by describing only the
most important actions in minimal detail...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
the scene seems to rush
forward.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I could have described his
stumbling drunken run more thoroughly, or had him struggle with Tim longer,
or given us more details of the house and the flames licking up the wooden
sides...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but we are in Ray's POV, he is
drunk and under severe stress...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and he isn't noticing these
things. So we don't either, and we feel that sense of stress and crisis.
|
|
roe
|
If the woman said something
like, "Drunken bum, then we'd know he was drinking also, right?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yes, or we could just say, Ray
slumped ot the ground, sobbing in drunken self pity...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I just missed adding that
'drunk' detail... editing on my feet here...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but either way would work.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And if you notice, even though
we've picked up the pace over all...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
the second part of this is a
much faster pace than the first part...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
we include far fewer details
to Ray's actions...and no thoughts whatsoever...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
this is very intense, and you
don't want to keep it up for long because it gets boring.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But it does give your scene
that sense of trauma/catastrophe.
|
|
gail
|
Sentence and paragraph structure
is very important for pacing effect, too, aren't they?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yes. Short, choppy sentences,
single clause, short paragraphs...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
they all contribute to a fast,
intense pace.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
again...only for short
periods.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
All these techniques bore
readers quickly because they don't provide much visual or informational
input.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So they are used sparingly to
indicate a moment (moment!) of crisis...the hero falls from the cliff...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Ray runs at the burning house
to save his kids...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
that sort of thing.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
In a moment, the fire chief
will grab him, he will struggle, they'll yell at each other, and somebody
will sit on Ray until it's over...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
so the pace of the story
speeds up to that charge at the house, then slows down again to mimic the
small dramatic arc of conflict/tension here.
|
|
roe
|
so how do we calm down after a
scene like that
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Tim and a neighbor held him by
the arms. Ray's knees buckled and he sank to the muddy ground, sobbing, as
the roof caved in in a shower of sparks and a roar from the hungry flames.
Eyes closed, forehead on his knees, he listened to the fire chief giving
orders, the hiss of the water, eyes burning from the acrid smoke. His
fault,. He ground his face into his wet and filthy jeans. Dead, both of
them and it was his fault.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
See how many more details I've
added here?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The ground is now muddy, he
feel those wet and filthy jeans as he presses his face against his knees,
we hear the details of sound that were just a blur before...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And the pace as dropped to a
craw here...we need the break after that peak of tension and speed.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is the Tuesday Forum with
me, Mary Rosenblum, LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're
doing a hands on 'pacing' workshop today. If you're new here, remember that
you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word bubble' next to
the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question
icon in order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me!
You can also type /ask in front of your question to reach me.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay, let's look at my next
example.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
There it was again and yet
again. Shadowy forms in and out of view. Ever since they tore down that
fake wall, ‘Shadow People’ Anna called them.
|
|
|
|
|
your over active writer's
imagination. Probably just a strand of hair in your peripheral vision”
|
|
|
|
|
|
they were something more.
They annoyed her. Appearing at the oddest of times, like now, while she was
sewing curtains for the new room. They seemed agitated today. They flitted
around her emitting the sweet scent of roses and lily of the valley. She
brushed her hair behind her ears. Strand of hair, my eye. Strands of hair
don’t dance around and my hair sure doesn’t smell like flowers.
|
|
|
|
|
|
the shadowy images move
back and forth. First they appeared in front of her, then they flew to the
doorway. Do they want me to follow them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
she saw them. They had just
broken through the attic wall while remodeling their Queen Anne Victorian
home. Anna wanted a quiet place to write and the attic fit the bill. With
each hit of the hammer as the hole widened, the smell of flowers grew
stronger, a mixture of lily of the valley and roses, the roses more
overpowering.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I don't know if this is an
opening or a scene from inside the story.
|
|
roe
|
opening
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Thanks!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This scene really isn't a
tense one, but you want that hook and the strong energy of a good start...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and then you can let the
pace/tension relax as we observe these things.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Anna watched them as she
stitched the hems for the curtains. Strand of hair in my vision my eye. She
held still as three of the shadows danced about her. Her hair sure didn't
smell like flowers. Lily of the Valley? She shivered.. "Hello? What
are you?" Her voice sounded wrong somehowin the attic room and she
quickly pressed her lips
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Oops...delete 'the attic
room'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
together.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This gives us a sense of
tension that may not develop...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but will hook the reader into
the story.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We don't have to know that her
husband suggested that the shadows were nothing but her seeing that strand
f hair.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Someone said that...who doesnt
matter right now.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But we have spooky shapes
flitting around her and the smell of flowers..
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
so we're wondering if they are
a danger to her or not...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is a peak...not a sharp
one, but an okay one.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now you can relax the pace.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What I did to tighten the pace
here and suggest more tension was again...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
to remove back story, some
thoughts, and details.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We are left with her seeing
shapes, feeling tense (her voice sounded wrong and she presed her lips
together)...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
that suggests that maybe there
is danger here...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but not a lot more.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Do you see the pattern here?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Faster pace, more tension =
fewer details.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Which is why you need to slow
the pace down between peaks or we don't see a lot or learn a lot!
|
|
paja
|
does there always have to be
danger?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Of course not.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Not every story involves
danger.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You can have a husband and
wife at breakfast...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and their arguement over
whether or not their daughter can go trick or treating...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
may be a metaphor for their
cracking marriage...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and it can be a VERY fast
paced scene with a lot of tension...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but not to the degree that we
up the pace and tension for that charge at the children burning in that
house.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Again..
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
if you want to go from a
leisurely breakfast...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
(sorry...puppy break)...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
to an intense arguement...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
you begin to drop out details,
include more dialogue, fewer visuals,..
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
until husband and wife are
snapping at each other...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and perhaps climaxing with a
broken dish or slammed door...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
the slacking off the pace with
increasing details as she, maybe, sinks into a chair and cries iwth her
head on the table top.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
One cold evening, as Rhetta returned
to her alley home, she sensed something amiss. The foggy air swirled around
her with frigid fingers as a prickle of warning chased up her spine. She
glanced about, but saw no one, yet the feeling of fear remained. Tripping
over debris, a vague feeling came over her. How could she have forgotten to
clear it away? She was always diligent in keeping her alley clean and tidy.
Her legs shook with each step she took as she continued.
|
|
shadows loomed along the
dim walls of the narrow alley. Through the gloom, a great hulking shape
crouched from her doorway. Taking a shaky step forward, she croaked, her
voice barely a whisper, Wh...Who be there? Ch...Ch...Charlie, that be
you?" No one answered, only the fear gurgling from her throat.
|
|
|
forward, she saw her trunk
smashed to pieces, its contents strewn about, as though someone had been
very angry. Fear racked the old woman as her eyes darted about the alley.
Who had done this, she wondered. Struggling to see through the heavy mist
and fog, she peered into every corner, her heart thudding in her ears.
|
|
|
into the thick fog again.
Only silence answered her. Again she wondered who had done this vile deed.
Were they still here? As she stumbled slowly along on quaking legs, her
foot kicked something. The sound echoed through the alley like a gunshot.
Rhetta stood trembling from head to toe.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This scene has a nice build to
the tense climax where she sees the destruction of her trunk and calls for
Charlie.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The language increases the
tension with the addition of descriptive words that heighten our sense of
her fear.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But you can increase the
actual pace here, but simply removing some of the details and the narrative
from the climax of this scene, where she sees the broken trunk.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Right now, you are using the
same amount of description all the way through...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but to increase the pacing as
she tiptoes down that alley, start 'leaning down' that description and
concentrating on action.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Taht will make the scene read
faster and the pacing increases.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You set the scene with the
spooky description at the slow beginning of the scene...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
then gradually drop out
description as the pace picks up.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The reader remembers the
spooky atmosphere.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We have that frigid air,
prickle of warning, debris (and I'd show us specific debris here)...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
A hulking shape crouched in
her doorway. "Who...who be there? Ch..ch..charlie, that be you?"
Her trunk lay smashed, the pink shirtwaist sodden in a puddle, torn into
pieces. "Charlie..ye be here?"
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What I have done here is to
strip the author's narrative out of this...we only see her actions hear her
voice.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We don't have the author
telling us that the stuff looked as if someone was angry when they threw it
around.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What would show us anger? How
about a torn dress? Her eye fixes on that, but there is no authorial filter
to tell us what it means.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We'll get it, but that lack of
narrative drives the pace forward quickly and accentuates the tension here.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is the Tuesday Forum with
me, Mary Rosenblum, LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We're
doing a hands on 'pacing' workshop today. If you're new here, remember that
you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word bubble' next
to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a
question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't
reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question to reach me.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is a long one, so I'll
post it in parts.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Doug: "Hello, Ms.
Savage," he said, as he stood in the open door of the diner. Four of
his cronies followed him in. The few customers I had that morning
scattered. Cowards. I swallowed. I had never seen him before, but I knew it
was him. Stone looked more like a bounty hunter than a knight. He was tall,
and his greasy black hair was neatly combed back from his forehead. A thin
scabbard protruded from beneath his long coat. He had the deadest eyes I
had ever seen. Corpses have more life in their eyes. (1)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
"Sorry, we're all
full," I said. "Go somewhere else."
|
|
caressed his stubbled face.
"I understand my boys have been, shall we say, less than welcome here.
How can we remedy that?"
|
|
|
come back. That would make
me, shall we say, thrilled to death." "You shouldn't speak so
lightly of death, Ms. Savage. It can come at any time, quite
unexpectedly."
|
|
|
then."
|
|
|
a bit more challenging than
my hired hands, Ms. Savage. A little respect, perhaps?" (2)
|
|
|
|
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
"Dogs get no respect
around here," a voice said. Uncle Jeremiah stepped out of the kitchen,
wiping his hands on a dish towel.
|
|
former Rebel, decorated war
hero," Stone
|
|
|
|
|
|
wannabe," Uncle
Jeremiah said.
|
|
|
said, smiling. (last)
|
|
|
|
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay, let's begin with part
one...this is a slow pace. We see the men come in and our POV shows e'm to
us and gives us a nice sense of danger. That's fine.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay, on to part two. We have
dialogue between our characters and then Uncle Jeremiah steps out from the
kitchen. cters here and we understand the nature of the threat...and in the
final section, n
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now the tension has picked up
here, but not the pace. Fine distinction, eh?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And this is a nice
illustration of how tension and pace differ, so thank you, Doug!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We know the scene is tense
because we don't see any visuals, all we have is stripped dialogue...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and the word themselves tell
us that this is a tense conversation. Something is about to happen.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now my pacing alarm tells me
that if I was writing this story, something better happen in the next
paragraph.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And that is where your pacing
needs to speed up.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Maybe one of the intruders
breaks something and Uncle Jeremiah snatches his weapon from under the
counter and ends up...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
getting the best of the
intruders. You would do that scene by showing us...again...only the actual
visuals with no narrative filtering from our first person POV.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
In other words, she is simply
seeing the action and her thoughts of course are in words, but we are
simply seeing through her eyes, she is not intellectually embroidering what
she sees.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The tall one with the scar
picked up a pitcher, looked at it for one moment then threw it at the shelf
of dishes over the counter.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Glassware exploded and Uncle
rolled across the counter, came up with his long knife in his hands.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
He took one step forward,
ducked as scar face swung a chair, caugh the other man's chin with his
elbow, snapped his head back.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The third man had pulled a
daggar but Uncle tossed his knife into the air, caught it by the point,
ready to throw, smiled at Stone. "Call him off," he said.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
No details except of the
immediate action.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
WE rush forward through that
scene and then we can slow down again...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
as Stone calls off his men and
they again talk.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now I don' tknow if Doug
wanted that kind of fight scene...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but my sense of pacing tells
me that some kind of action fits her quite nicely...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
since we seem to be building
to some kind of climax but aren't there yet.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Gramma, tell us a story,"
the small child begged me.
|
|
|
|
|
You gather your friends,
and I will
|
|
|
Fireside tonight. Now I
must make pita, or we will
|
|
|
firstborn's youngun, Rama,
a smile and returned to
|
|
|
the dough that served as a
wraparound for the
|
|
|
bring home from the hunt.
|
|
|
|
|
|
of squirrel this year, and
the big
|
|
|
sufficiently yet, so hope
for some venison or
|
|
|
question. The Long War had
really destroyed much of
|
|
|
least rendered many close
to extinction. (1)
|
|
|
|
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
During the day there was a lot
of work for everyone in our
|
|
and care for kept us all
busy. And at
|
|
|
be Fireside. Fireside was
always observed,
|
|
|
daughter, nurtured like a
child itself. The
|
|
|
to attend Fireside, of
course, but it was the
|
|
|
of carrying the Fireside
torch forward into
|
|
|
race. And it was the
females that ruled
|
|
|
in the Willowbough Chairs
of Firesides across the
|
|
|
was the female who finally
pulled the human
|
|
|
itself and who gave birth
to the new race
|
|
|
all around the ruins of Old
Earth.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
diar
|
The next scene shows Raven (MC)
and her uncle drawing weapons, then she flashes back to how it all began.
But I like your idea better!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Well, you had the right idea
having that action scene come next, so you did a good job with your pacing
and dramatic arc.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Oh, let the bad guys start the
trouble. :-) Then whatever happens serves 'em right.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay, our first part here is a
nice leisurely bit of detail mixed with back story.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The pace is relaxed and slow,
but this is what you want here.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You can tell us a lot of
backstory if you let us watch her knead the dough, pat out the flat rounds
and bake 'em...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
on the hot stone, griddle,
stove, or however she does it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is how you feed the
reader information and you really don't need to pick up the pace here at
all...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I would simply add some more
action details as she moves about the kitchen or helps a child pat out a
round of dough..
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
so that we see the scene as
well as learn backstory.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Then you can move on to an
event that requires a more active pace.
|
|
gail
|
Is it more "do-able"
to keep the tension up while letting the pace ebb and flow in those
dramatic peaks?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Let me put your example up
quickly, and that'll help me answer this.
|
|
gail
|
In my s/story, the (Limited) POV
is a coming-of-age character. The pressure he is under to realise their
goal is enormous and I doubt, even during a "rest period" he
would have much else on his mind. Do you? How could I expand the setting,
etc. within this context?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
yes, you can slow the pace and
let us rest even though you keep up the tension in apiece.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
they are NOT the same thing.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Your POV is not going to stop
thinking about that problem, but during the rest period you CAN distract
him.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If he ONLY thinks about it, he
will walk into a tree. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
A brief and intense
interaction with another character, an event that briefly throws him into
memory or the past, something like that can jar him out of his focus...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
on the problem briefly. And
then he goes back to worrying about it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If you need to give the reader
a breather, he can catch a glimpse of something that briefly throws him
back into a (story appropriate) memory from the past that makes him
smile...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and gives him (and us) a
momentary respite from the tension while the pace slows to a leisurely
strolll...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and then the reality rushes
back in, the moment is over, he mounts his horse, and they'r eoff again.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Jason: Lizzy O'Dwyer's body
went limp and the chair stopped rocking. Papers slipped from her fingers to
her lap, and then feathered to the floor in front of the crackling fire.
The cedar wood burning in the stone-mantled fireplace, popped and snapped
in the silent night. A gentle evening breeze blew in through the only
window, stirring up a mixture of fresh and smoky air in the one-room cabin.
|
|
Lizzy had made up her mind
to stay at her parents' cabin for the weekend by herself. As an assistant
editor at a popular Sci-fi fantasy magazine, she led a busy work life, but
her main reason for escape was that she needed a break from her ubiquitous
fiancé, Charlie, who, with his mother, hounded her constantly to set the
date for their wedding.
|
|
|
honey," Charlie said
to her before she left. "Go to the cabin. Take some time for yourself
so you can, you know, get started on the wedding arrangements."(1)
|
|
|
|
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Jason: Lizzy O'Dwyer's body
went limp and the chair stopped rocking. Papers slipped from her fingers to
her lap, and then feathered to the floor in front of the crackling fire.
The cedar wood burning in the stone-mantled fireplace, popped and snapped
in the silent night. A gentle evening breeze blew in through the only window,
stirring up a mixture of fresh and smoky air in the one-room cabin.
|
|
Lizzy had made up her mind
to stay at her parents' cabin for the weekend by herself. As an assistant
editor at a popular Sci-fi fantasy magazine, she led a busy work life, but
her main reason for escape was that she needed a break from her ubiquitous
fiancé, Charlie, who, with his mother, hounded her constantly to set the
date for their wedding.
|
|
|
honey," Charlie said
to her before she left. "Go to the cabin. Take some time for yourself
so you can, you know, get started on the wedding arrangements."(1)
|
|
|
|
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay, let's look at part one
first.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Here we have a brief glimpse
of our POV drowsing off and then learn a lot about her, courtesy of the
author.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And darn it...the cyber
gremlins at the other half of this...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She left him standing in the
driveway, him beaming and waving happily, her glaring as she sped away
white-knuckled
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She was not eager to plan the
wedding, nor was she even sure Charlie was the right man for her. She
caught herself having too many second thoughts about him lately. She needed
a weekend away from it all. Away from Charlie. Besides, she was looking
forward to spending endless hours reading from the ever-growing slush pile
of sci-fi fantasy stories.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is a start to my first
attempt at a fantasy story but I am worried about the somewhat slow
beginning. Maybe you could use this for your Picking Up the Pace Hands
OnWorkshop?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Ha...let's hear it for people
who rarely empty their recycle bin...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is a backstory start, and
it does have pacing problems.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What we have here is a very
brief glimpse of someone drowsing and then a LOT of exposition about how
she got here.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So there really isn't much
going on except an information feed.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If this was my story, I'd
think up some kind of interesting adventure to inflict on this woman...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
that would be fun to read and
show us her character.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
maybe something happens later
in the story.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Start with some kind of
action...doesn't have to be a crisis!...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
even a chance encounter with a
weird mushroom hunter or a ranger or a bear could do it...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Although with all the past you
want to tell us, having someone to tell it TO will really help you out.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But string this all on some
ongoing action so that we have that to keep us reading.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Get her lost on a trail!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I have no idea where you're
going with this, but I would think about your fantasy and ask
yourself...what is the best scene in the first 20 pages...and start there.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
No kidding. You can work
everything that we NEED to know after that, don't worry. ;-)
|
|
gail
|
Perhaps a little off-topic, and
possibly asking a near-impossible query such as how long is a rope -- how
many scenes are too many for the s/story? When does the s/s become a
novel/ette?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Short story, novelette,
novella are a matter of length used to designate stories to categories in
award competitions...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and as a short hand to let
writers know the word limits.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
up to 7999 is a short story.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
up to 17999 is a novelette
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
(8000-17999)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
AS to scenes...too many is
when the reader feels that they are playing hopscotch all the way through
your story!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Not enough is when you readers
are bored or confused.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
How's THAT for a real specific
answer.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It's like the answer to 'how
long should my story be?"
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Answer: As long as it needs to
be and no longer.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Alas, that IS the nature of
fiction.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay...I do need to do puppy
duty. And we've even exceeded our Oregon Hour...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but it's hard to teach pacing
without examples and we had some good ones.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It was fun!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
See you tomorrow, for our
casual chat, same time same place!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I'll post this to the usual
place: Writing Craft: Forum Transript.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Have a good week, all!
|