|
mary rosenblum
|
Hello, all!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I hope you had a fine weekend
and aren't getting too frazzled by all the holiday doings. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is the Tuesday Forum with
me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We’re
talking about word crafting today. If you’re new here, remember that you
need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the
red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon
in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won’t reach me! You can
also type /ask in front of your question to reach me.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I was having a conversation
with speck yesterday and she mentioned that she had run into the term
'wordcrafting'...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That's another term for
writers: Wordcrafters.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And it got me thinking about
what that means and led me to this Forum topic.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Because wordcrafting is the
link between a novice and a pro...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
that is the part you LEARN.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The ability to tell a story or
communicate ideas clearly with others is the 'talent' side of writing...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
whether you write fiction or
non.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But the crafting part is what
you learn. And it's important,
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Most of us, when we begin
trying to write, really don't see any difference between our cool story and
the one between the book covers or in the magazine.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You start seeing more of a
difference when you understand a bit more about craft. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But if you think about it, we
are using black smudges of ink on white paper to created a three
dimensional full color universe...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
populated by real people in
the heads of complete strangers.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That is VERY amazing to me.
:-) Never underestimate the wonderfulness of what you do when you...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
communicate with someone that
way.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
BUT...there's the 'catch 22'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You need to make those images
and people appear in those starngers' heads.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If we had a telepathic
hyperlink...if we could communicate that story instantly to our audience as
WE know it...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
we would have no need for the
medium of print.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And those images, those
people....they would be exactly what you imagine.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
as of now, very few if any of
us are actually telepaths, so we have to rely on ink.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And THAT is where craft
begins.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You have to find a way to
translate YOUR internal images into similar images in the heads of people
who are NOT you...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
who do not know what you know,
think the way you think, have the same life experience you do.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You do this under some pretty
serious limitations.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You have to create those
images in such a way that the reader experiences that story or shares that
information in such a way...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
so that it engages their
attention and interest and they don't get bored an leave.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Which means you can't simply
load all the details of your mental images onto the page or that 20 page
story will be 100 pages and your readers will get bored...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and go do something else long
before you finish. The STORY will be lost in the details.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And if you're writing
nonfiction, the reader will lost track of your thread of information.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So the CRAFT of writing is all
about how to become a telepath, using ink and paper rather than brain
waves.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
A really marvelous story will
fail if the reader cannot share that marvelous story.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And that is where craft
matters.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I have found that nearly
everyone who really wants to write possess talent to some degree...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I just don't think that people
WANT to write if they don't have some storytelling/communication ability.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The challenge is to learn how
to share exactly what YOU perceive with your many many very different
readers.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Most of the 'craft' part of
writing is second draft or later stuff.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Let me put this 'warning' in
right off.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Preserve your first draft as
your muse's playground and don't try and force anything else in there.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yes it's a good idea to plan
out the structure of your piece ahead of time if you can....saves you major
surgery on your rewrites.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But if you can't do that
without killing that first draft energy, then don't.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So what works to keep your
creative drive alive and fix it later.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Fix it later, by the way, is a
very nice motto.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Get a friend to make you a
nice sign, emroider it or do it in needlepoint, or just print it on a
post-it and stick it to your monitor...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
when you start a first draft!
:-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But now we're talking about
'later'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What is word crafting?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Word crafting is the 'work'
part of writing. (Well, unless you hate first drafts like I do).
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Personally, for me, it's the
fun part. :-)
|
|
gwanny
|
Are you saying that we should
set our first draft aside and write the second draft without it?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Not at all.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What I am saying is that you
should NOT try and do all the editing stuff that I talk about here while
you're writing the first draft.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That drives many people to a
dead stop.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is the Tuesday Forum with
me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We’re
talking about word crafting today. If you’re new here, remember that you
need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the
red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon
in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won’t reach me! You can
also type /ask in front of your question to reach me.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So now you have the first
draft.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What are you 'crafting' here?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
pook, try using /ask or send
me your question in segments. :-)
|
|
pook
|
but the muse doesn't play a big
role in nonfiction.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Sure it does, pook.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Not in every piece, but it has
to do with connecting to readers.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You are not creating from
whole cloth as you are in fiction...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and the balance of creative to
craft in nonfiction seems to be weighted to craft...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but the 'how' of connecting to
readers is the creative part.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It has to do with voice and
the way you use slant and focus.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And of course it plays a
bigger role in 'creative nonfiction'...personal narrative.
|
|
janecj333
|
an author said that writers make
the mistake of trying just to show their reader their vision; it was
something about using words to invite the reader to share in a common
humanity...I wish I wrote it down
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I think you need to be careful
not to misread that, jane.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It is a mistake to try and
show the reader every last details of your reality...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
you end up drowning the reader
in exposition.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You cannot control the entire
scene...remember that the reader shares the creation of the story with you.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
BUT...you DO need to make the
important points clear so that your images and your readers' images
dovetail.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You will never see the same
character I see in my stories...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but you need to see an Asian
mix woman in her early twenties.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You can take it from there.
:-)
|
|
libertybell
|
Great commentary. Can this be
printed out for later re-read
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Thanks, liberty. Yes, all
Forum transcripts get posted on the website in Writing Craft: Forum
Transcripts.
|
|
margieh
|
Do you craft for yourself, the
writer, in order to say something the way you want to or for your audience
so they can hear. I know they're tied together but which comes first?
|
|
kungfumama
|
It's a matter of learning how to
determine what matters to the reader - and the story line, isn't it?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I'm posting these two
questions together because they are very much related.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You're working on craft on
several levels...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
more levels as you become more
skilled in what you are doing.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
As to which comes first...that
is probably a personal issue...how do YOU work.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I was thinking back over my
own writing habits and I tend to focus on different issues in different
scenes.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If I focus on making what I
want to get across clear in a scene is SHOULD be clear to the reader...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but I'll pay more attention to
reader issues next pass.
|
|
janecj333
|
re. 'fix it later'...I used to
be afraid that I would forget how I wanted to change a line or paragraph
and do it right then out of that fear. Strangely, when I have left it for
later, and even forgotten the work, I find that the 2nd draft fix is
identical to my old margin notes. My brain does the same fix because it's
the right one!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Good for you, Jane.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I think that's generally true.
YOu know what feels 'right' to you.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That said, I do make myself
notes if I need to go back and plant something earlier in the story. I do
that all the time in novels as the story evolves.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is the Tuesday Forum with
me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We’re
talking about word crafting today. If you’re new here, remember that you
need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the
red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon
in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won’t reach me! You can
also type /ask in front of your question to reach me.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But to get back to that
earlier question...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
word crafting is a matter of
'layering'....of making the minimum number of words do as much to create a
full three D world for your readers as possible.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You need to get the points you
want to make across and you need to be sure the reader gets them.
|
|
geoff_m
|
in your experience, how many
words is a first draft versus a second draft. Does word crafting tend to
expand or contract the word count between drafts?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Geoff, that depends entirely
on where you are as a writer, craft-wise, and what your personal strengths
and weaknesses are.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
When I was starting out, I
used to increase my word count becuase I was adding a lot of stuff I hadn't
put in on the first draft.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now, I tend to reduce word
count because I'm better at getting everything I want in on the first
draft...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and I do more refining and
word removal on my subsequent drafts.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Many people starting out are
very 'lush' with their prose.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
They simply need to learn how
to write tighter. They'll lose a LOT of words.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Others are too spare with
description, visual beats, character interactions...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and they'll add more as they
flesh out their characters or bring their scenes to life.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Just depends on how YOU write.
|
|
tory
|
Mary, what about the "she
said" issue. to say "she rasped" creates a more detailed
picture that "said", but I've heard to use only said. And
"she rasped" is shorter than. Her voice came out in a rasp.
What's your suggestion?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Generally speaking, saidisms
(she rasped, he grumbled, she announced) are not a good idea.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
'Said' is invisible. We barely
notice it unless you use it a LOT.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Just replace most of the
'said' with action tags and when you need said, use it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Where people have trouble is
when they use 'said' with EVERY dialogue exchange.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That is called 'ping pong'
dialogue...the said begins to sound like a ping pong ball bouncing across
the table...pock pock pock pock...
|
|
margieh
|
Have you talked about making up
words for things in imaginary universes or choosing names for characters?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I haven't but it's certainly a
part of crafting words. I love making up new names and of course, writing
SF I do it a lot. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Find something that feels
right for you...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and if it can carry some sort
of connection to its nature, that's even better.
|
|
janecj333
|
what about Her voice rasped when
she spoke. "Give me that now."
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
YOu know, for that I'd just
say 'she rasped'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Don't twist your prose into
contortions just to avoid doing something like that.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If 'she rasped' is the best
choice, use it!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If 'she said' is the best
choice use it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If a 'to be' verb is the best
choice use it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
He was scared.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
How better can I say that?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
BUT...don't do those things
out of habit.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That is where you have
trouble...you do it all the time.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Do it ON PURPOSE.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
When you hear 'don't use
saidisms', 'don't use to be verbs' 'don't use passive voice'...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
it does not mean NEVER.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It means don't do it without
thinking...out of habit.
|
|
lore alley
|
Mary, you were talking about
writers as 'telepaths'. I was thinking that writing actually has a greater
impact BECAUSE we can't form images directly in the readers brain. Since
we're forced to leave room for reader interpretation, they are able to form
the story around their own experience of the world. If the story was a
direct translation from our life experience, it might not impact them as
much.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Actually that's true... :-)
It's what I say about writing being 'interactive'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And why I don't think cinema
will ever replace books.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We don't share that onscreen
world. We see only what the director shows us.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But weSHARE the creation of
that universe when we read the book and it becomes our world, too.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
BUT....that is not an excuse
to write something that is very vague and gives the reader no visual
images...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
or includes flat characters.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yes, the reader is also
building the universe, but YOU are responsible for framing that palace and
giving it sound features...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
the reader fills in. YOU do
the work.
|
|
paja
|
I'm doing 1st rewrite of the
NaNoWriMo book. Feel like I'm fighting to keep the same manner of speaking
on the added scenes. Any suggestions?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That can be a problem, paja. I
often encounter it becuase I'm usually switching back and forth...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
between two or three projects
at any one time. Generally, I find that if...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I reread the previous scene or
two, that I can continue on into new ground smoothly, that I maintain that
'voice'.
|
|
janecj333
|
Mary, can you touch on purple
prose, and give us an example of crafting vs. overcrafting?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Sure.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Overwriting is one of the more
common problems. I see it a lot in LR Assignment One's where new
students...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
are trying WAY too hard. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Generally it involves using
words that are noticeable where they don't need to be or using excessive
description.
|
|
babbles
|
I recently read a book with a
few characters like this "he was an indiscript man." guess that
leaves the reader wide open to make their own opinion
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Nondescript you mean?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yeah it does. YOu can do it
too much though and leave the reader with nothing to build on.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
As to purple prose...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
A stray sunbeam spilled
thorugh the window and danced delicately across the richly woven brocade of
the...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
very feminine and lushly
skirted dressing table. It tiptoed across the thick, velvet pile of the...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
handwoven carpet, climbed
stealthily up the satin skirts of the wide, canopied bed...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and stole across the long,
slender, mound beneath the tumbled down quilts up to the...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
silken, pale bare shoulder of
the bed's occupant....
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
kissing the pale, spun gold of
her rich, tangled curls...that would have been lustrous as the polished
metal if she had not been in such a state of nerves.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Whew!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And before you laugh...I get a
LOT of these scenes!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And...I have also seen a few
published. Alas it does show up in category romance from time to time.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What makes this
overwritten...SERIOUSLY overwritten...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
is that it simply dumps
details on us that we really do not need.
|
|
margieh
|
Mary, how would you decide what
to keep in that very long overy descriptive sentence?
|
|
kungfumama
|
I already had my machete out and
was chopping it down in my mind ...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
LOL kungu...yeah, a machete
comes to mind. It's sort of like a flower-filled jungle. Pretty but you
can't get THERE from HERE without a machete.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
IT is pretty. It's full of
pretty images. But sheesh...it drags on and on and what is it giving us?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The sun shining through the
window onto a sleeping woman.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now you can do this on
purpose....drag out a single moment...but usually you do it to indicate
rising suspense..
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
we guess that at any moment
the monster is going to burst through the door...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
or we'll see that she has had
her throat cut during the night...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But here we are NOT building
suspense...so it drags.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
To decide what to keep ask
yourself...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
what do I want my reader to
get here?
|
|
aurora1
|
You kind of get lost in the
description and lose track .
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yeah.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So what are the key points
here? Depends on the story.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Let's say that the last time
we saw our character, she was being seized by the King's guards, filthy and
ragged in the street.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So this is a BIG change of
scene.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We want the reader to see the
luxury of the room. It's a hook, say, we're now curious. How did she get
here?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The first ray of morning sun
crept through the window, spilling across rich carpeting and crimson satin
quilts. Ana blinked, pushing her golden hair back from her eyes.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I have distilled all those
pretty details down to 'rich carpeting and crimson satin quilts'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I didn't even mention the
dressing table.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And the sun beam took about as
much time to get through the window as a sunbeam does. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It took about fifteen minutes
last time! LOL
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yes we've lost all those
pretty details, but pretty is no excuse for slowing down the STORY.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We have pretty in rich carpet
and crimson satin quilts.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
My readers can add brocade
drapes, lace, that dressign table...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
a chaise longe, a satin
dressing gown tossed carelessly across it...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
lace trimmed pillows, a velvet
canopy...whatever they want.
|
|
babbles
|
description is one thing that
I'm working on. Young Adult--how much is too much for 14 yr olds? I'm
hoping I've caught on and the agent will be pleased when I'm done.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
YA is different in style than
adult, less so if you're writing for high school age, more so if you're
writing for the middle school age readers.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Generally description tends to
be leaner. Again...it's a matter of degree.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And what you're writing and
whom you are writing for.
|
|
margieh
|
If the journey of the sunbeam
foreshadowed a stalker and furniture that allowed you to use the more
sensual verbs? Is that what you mean by building suspense?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Exactly, margieh.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If I was going to have the
door open silently and a dark figure slip through...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I might have used more details
and really slowed that sunbeam down...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but even then, I wouldn't have
used THAT much.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You want the reader to start
thinking 'uh oh' not 'I'm gonna go make a sandwich now....maybe this scene
will be over by the time I get back'.
|
|
libertybell
|
so, pace your exposition with
the speed of the action?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
With the speed of the action
and the level of suspense or tension.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If our POV gets shot, time and
action may slow way down as the shock hits him.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
He may fall to his hands and
knees, see an ant working on carrying a breadcrumb back to its nest and
that may slow WAY down...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
to end as a drop of dark blood
splashes down in the dust next to the ant and then our POV passes out.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If they're fighting,
exposition is going to be next to nothing...action only.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Who has time to sightsee if
you're dodging a sword?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is the Tuesday Forum with
me Mary Rosenblum LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. We’re
talking about word crafting today. If you’re new here, remember that you
need to click on the Ask a Question button or the word bubble next to the
red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a question icon
in order to ask a question. Your regular send bar won’t reach me! You can
also type /ask in front of your question to reach me.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Word crafting is about
choosing the words to use that convey what you need to convey most
strongly.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
In our previous example, I
skimmed over all the lush descriptives I planted in there...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and asked myself...which two
words will give us the sense of a rich, luxurious bedroom best?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I chose rich carpet....not
very specific but conveys luxury...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and crimson satin quilts.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Again...crimson satin tells us
luxury and wealth and quilts tells us she is ...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
probably in a bed.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That is the type of
intellectual process you use.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay, I want to show that my
MC is troubled.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
They're in the kitchen. What
can I do?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I want my other character to
notice it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now I have to decide what
small action on his part will...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
convey his internal distress
without slowing down the scene.
|
|
kungfumama
|
pacing, arms crossed ...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That would work.
|
|
cherley
|
open and shuts the frig door
repeatedly
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yep.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Exactly.
|
|
janecj333
|
Angelina chopped the onion into
mush.
|
|
tory
|
Put the milk jug in a cabinet
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
These all work.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And you have showed us the
character in action and at the same time showed us that the character is
distressed or distracted.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So you have made that sentence
or two do more than one task.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That is what I call layering.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That' s my term for it, by the
way.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But what I mean by that is
meeting more than one objective with your sentences.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I may show you the character's
features, give you a hint about his past, and a hint about his emotional
state...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
all in one passage.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I may add words so that we get
more of a sense of the MC's feelings about what is going on.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Instead of getting out of the
car and walking up to the front door,
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She may leap out of the car
and march up to the front doot.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She may leap out of the car
and bound up to the front door.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
One word has totally changed
our perception of her emotional state here.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She may drag herself out of
the car and plod up to the front door.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
See what I mean? This is word
crafting.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It is making the words do MORE
for you.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Once you get them onto the
page (draft one) start playing with them.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What do I need to do here? What
do I want my reader to get?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay, how can I do that? How
can I make that clearer, stronger, more apparent?
|
|
janecj333
|
my characters in a real state of
anxiety, begin to question their actions and their thoughts, or to analyze
a turn of events. I do worry about overdoing, this, however...internal
thoughts that pause the action
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yeah, that's a double edged
sword, Jane...internal thought. You can convey...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
much more than you realize
through their body language.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Try using more body language
and less thought. Remember...we are used to reading body language...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
even if we do it
unconsciously.
|
|
libertybell
|
layering combines action with
emotional state
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Exactly,
liberty...action/emotion/visuals
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If you can do all three at
once, you're cooking! :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I try for all three in every
passage I work on.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The nice this is that the more
skill you acquire in craft, the more you will do this on your first draft
without even thinking about it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That comes with PRACTICE.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
About one million words'
worth. :-)
|
|
libertybell
|
visuals portrayed through
action?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Sure, liberty. As your POV
acts, you slip in details of the scene.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Same thing with dialogue.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She grabbed up the milk pail
and heaved it at the intruder. Foamy milk splashed aross the plank wall and
he yelped as the...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
wooden pail hit him in the
face. Loriane snatched up her skirts and ran.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Better than Loriane threw the
milk pail at him and ran.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now...I might use that spare
sentence if we had already...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
seen the barn had seen the
stranger approach and needed a sharper dramatic peak here.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But if Loriane isn't expecting
him, we have the moment of shock as she throws the pail hesitates just a
bit, then runs.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And I can add those details.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It would depend entirely on
the context of the story...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
which version I used.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But that is how you add
details to action.
|
|
libertybell
|
action-slung the pail;
visual-barn; emotion-she took off?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yep.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And as I'm writing this...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
my thought process runs
something like this:
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I need to show the reader the
barn...hmmm...she's surprised...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but she's going to hesitate
just a second to see if the pail hits before she runs...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
so what will she see in her
state of surprise and fear?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
White milk flying out of the
pail and the impact.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay, I can show the plank
wall as the milk splashes...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but I can't really show much
of him...she has her eyes fixed on the pail. Drat. Oh well.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now she realizes she's still
standing there...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
so if she snatches up her
skirts we'll see that she's doing an 'ohmygod RUN!' mentally...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and then all I need to say is
'she runs'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And of course we now have her
dressed in long skirts and we know the barn is plank walled...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
so the reader will probably
fill in straw, cow, board stall, and peasant garb more or less...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I'm using 'reader assumptions'
here.
|
|
geezer
|
I'm still having troubles with
internal dialogue. Is it OK to use third person in a paragraph followed by
a line in first person introduced by He thought, "...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yeah, but I would do that VERY
sparingly, geeze. We don't tend to think in long soliloquys.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And it sounds phony when you
write it that way.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You're better off to
paraphrase thought and stay in third person.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Carolyn walked into the room
and leaned against the back of the sofa. She didn't bother to turn the
lights on. Was it...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
only just yesterday Darin had
showed up? How could everything fall so utterly apart in a single day? But
it had. With a sigh, she reached...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
for Aunt Sophie's old crystal
lamp. Her fingers lingered on the switch for a moment, before she clicked
on the light...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She is thinking about Darin
and how everything has fallen apart. But I have paraphrased what is
actually going through her brain.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That tends to seem more
'natural' to the reader.
|
|
libertybell
|
if internal thought (brief of
course), is it italicized?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That's a stylistic choice. I
tend to go to battle with publishers who want to italicize my direct
thought...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If I lose, I stop using direct
thought with that publisher after that.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
To most readers italic sounds
different.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You are better off to leave
direct thought plain and unadorned and make it clear from context that it
is thought.
|
|
libertybell
|
Is it set off in quotes?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Nope. the lack of quote marks
helps us realize it is not speech.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Like this, liberty:
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Carolyn walked into the room
and leaned against the back of the sofa. She didn't bother to turn the
lights on. Was it only yesterday Darin showed up? How did everything fall
so utterly apart in a single day? But it did. It had. She reached for...
|
|
kungfumama
|
Mary, how do you typically
handle telepathic speech?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I underline it to indicate italic,
kungfu. It shows up as italic on the published page.
|
|
sailor
|
At my writer's group meeting
this morning, one of the members said to try to avoid using could, would,
should. She said it is difficult to use these correctly. Any thoughts?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yep. I am always leaning on my
LR students to stop using these forms!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Would is a conversational
trope and incorrectly used most of the time.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Even if you use it correctly
you don't HAVE to.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So just stop. You'll be glad
you did.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
They are empty words. No
visuals. Many empty words you are stuck with...'a, an, the...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
avoid the ones you are NOT
stuck with: would, was, were, should, seems etc.
|
|
janecj333
|
can I get away with this?
"Am I really the clod Jack thinks I am? She twirled the knife; when it
slipped it took a neat slice from both forefinger and thumb."
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Sure, Jane. I'm laughing. SHe
answers her own question, doesn't she?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay, we're run well over our
'Oregon Hour'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I think I'm going to do our
Friday forum on 'making use of reader assumptions'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That's a nice continuation
from this discussion.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Thanks for coming, all!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Do join us tomorrow, same time
same station for our casual chat here.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I'll post the transcript in
the usual place: Writing Craft: Forum Transcripts
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
See you all tomorrow!
|