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mary rosenblum
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Hello, all.
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mary rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and we're talking about passive
voice and clunky prose. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short
stories and will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the
'word bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in
order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can
use /ask and type your question into the regular send bar if that works
better for you..
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mary rosenblum
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I hope you've all had a good
week.
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mary rosenblum
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It's wildfire season here in
Oregon, so we're all nervously watching pastures and public space.
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mary rosenblum
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Hmmm...maybe that would make a
good mystery story....
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mary rosenblum
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See? Everything has its uses.
:-)
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roe
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lol was just going to suggest
that
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mary rosenblum
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Well, there you go.
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mary rosenblum
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I can't remember who asked me
to talk about passive voice and active voice...
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mary rosenblum
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but it does seem like a good
time to talk about weak, flaccid prose and what makes it weak and flaccid.
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info
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maybe add a dead body with knife
in it
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mary rosenblum
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Oh you could do all kinds of
things here. :-) It would be easy to set a fire that would, say...
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mary rosenblum
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burn a particular house. Maybe
the killer knows that this guy drinks himself unconscious every night...
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mary rosenblum
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Picks a night with wind,
doesn't care who else gets hurt...
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mary rosenblum
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or tries to use a set fire to
cover up a murder...hide the traces.
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mary rosenblum
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You can all go write the
mystery after we're done here...
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mary rosenblum
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using nice strong prose. :-)
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writewoman13
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Given how close we are to
woods--in our cedar house w cedar shake roof--I'd say this would be a
thriller, or maybe horror!
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mary rosenblum
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No kidding.
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roe
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hmmm can you incorporate active,
passive voice into this story idea give some examples maybe
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mary rosenblum
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Well, I don't know about
incorporating into the story idea...got a feeling that one will run away
with us.
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mary rosenblum
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We'll do a story generation
workshop next week, okay? We haven't done one in a long time.
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mary rosenblum
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But as to active and passive
voice there IS a reason that active generally works better.
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wingedwarrior24
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what is a passive and active
voice?
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mary rosenblum
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A lot of people really don't
know...
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mary rosenblum
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It is not just a sentence that
uses a to be verb like is or was...
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mary rosenblum
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although that is usual.
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mary rosenblum
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Active voice is a sentence
where the subject does the action of the verb.
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mary rosenblum
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The dog ate the bone.
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mary rosenblum
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The dog is the subject of the
sentence and the dog EATS the bone.
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mary rosenblum
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The passive voice version is: The
bone was eaten by the dog.
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mary rosenblum
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The subject is bone and the
verb is 'was eaten'.
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mary rosenblum
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The bone did not eat anything.
At least not unless you're writing horror!
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mary rosenblum
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So why is the first version
better?
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mary rosenblum
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Two reasons.
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mary rosenblum
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One: Count words.
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mary rosenblum
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Active voice: 5
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mary rosenblum
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Passive voice: 7
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mary rosenblum
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You rarely need MORE words,
usually you want fewer.
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mary rosenblum
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The second and more important
reason is visuals.
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mary rosenblum
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Let me give you an off the
cuff definition of strong prose.
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mary rosenblum
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It is prose that translates
ink marks on the page into a visual landscape instantly and with no
distractions.
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mary rosenblum
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That is not the only
definition, but it is a good one.
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mary rosenblum
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In our active voice sentence,
you 'see' a dog, eating a bone in the order in which it is written.
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mary rosenblum
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The visuals form AS we read
the sentence.
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mary rosenblum
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In the passive voice version,
we start with a bone. Okay something is eating it...a dinosaur? We have to
wait until the end of the...
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mary rosenblum
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sentence to assemble our
visual jigsaw puzzle pieces into dog eating bone.
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mary rosenblum
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So the picture forms more
slowly and takes more work on our part.
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teddo
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Then active is more powerful?
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mary rosenblum
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Yes.
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mary rosenblum
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And you can use passive voice
to soften tension or create a passive, soft character.
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whistlin_smithy
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Mary, isn't the very definition
of active/passive an illustration of the concept? The subject is acted upon
by the verb.
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mary rosenblum
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Usually the subject DOES the
action. In passive the subect is acted upon.
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mary rosenblum
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by something, most of the
time.
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mary rosenblum
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The ship was sunk by the
Germans.
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mary rosenblum
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The Germans sank the ship.
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lore alley
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So, is passive ever preferable?
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mary rosenblum
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Yes.
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mary rosenblum
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It is very good if you want to
create a leisurely tone, or, say, you have a character who is gentle,
scholarly...
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mary rosenblum
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he might always speak in
passive voice.
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mary rosenblum
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If you want to say, create a
scene perhaps in cinematic POV, where we catch a glimpse of some action...
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mary rosenblum
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that the POV can't see, and
it's quiet, not intense action...
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mary rosenblum
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passive voice would make the
scene seem very low key.
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mary rosenblum
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It might make a nice contrast
to the action scene that preceeded it.
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mary rosenblum
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Of course use it, but only
intentionally!
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mary rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and we're talking about passive
voice and clunky prose. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short
stories and will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the
'word bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in
order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can
use /ask and type your question into the regular send bar if that works
better for you..
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info
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so more action and less words
are better?
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mary rosenblum
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That depends on what you are
doing, info.
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mary rosenblum
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Generally, more showing and
less telling make a stronger, more visual scene that allows for very small
narrative distance.
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mary rosenblum
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But you can write a powerful
story that is all narrative, either first person or using a narrator (like
Scout in To Kill a Mockinbird).
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mary rosenblum
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However, if you want to create
an action scene, then active voice and the minimum of strong words are
going to help you.
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megger
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Does active voice
"show" more?
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mary rosenblum
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It shows more clearly, megger,
because of the word order.
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mary rosenblum
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It takes the brain less time
to 'get the picture'.
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whistlin_smithy
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Isn't passive voice typically
found more often in scientific or technical writing?
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mary rosenblum
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Oh yes.
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mary rosenblum
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Science writing (which I did
at one time, have a professional journal piece published) has its own VERY
definite and clear rules!
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mary rosenblum
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It has nothing whatever to do
with writing fiction or popular nonfiction.
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mary rosenblum
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Same with technical writing.
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randi-lee
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can passive be used in travel
articles or other articles?
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mary rosenblum
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It is a very good thing to
avoid in nonfiction, randi.
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mary rosenblum
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Travel articles especially
want strong, rich visuals and passive doesn't do that as well as active.
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mary rosenblum
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Also, nonfiction editors are
STICKLERS for needed words. They do not like to pay 1 per word for words
they are going to edit out.
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mary rosenblum
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Passive voice is nearly always
a major liability in nonfiction.
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teddo
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you appear to use certain
grammer as psychological tools
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mary rosenblum
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Absolutely, teddo.
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mary rosenblum
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Think of words as the keys on
a huge piano.
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mary rosenblum
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You use certain keys to create
certain sounds that blend to create all kinds of musical effects...
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mary rosenblum
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from dark and forbidding to
light and airy.
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mary rosenblum
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You use words the same way to
create that story or nonfiction piece.
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mary rosenblum
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A tall tree, a sheltering oak,
and a looming snag are all the same thing, technically.
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mary rosenblum
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But the 'tone' varies a lot.
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mary rosenblum
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Just as a lot of eighth notes
give a rapid pace to a musical phrase...
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mary rosenblum
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so do a lot of strong, short,
choppy words.
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mary rosenblum
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He darted across the field, up
the steps, and slammed through the door.
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mary rosenblum
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Here's the slower version.
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mary rosenblum
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He broke into a run as he
crossed the field, hurried up the steps and propelled himself through the
door.
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mary rosenblum
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Same meaning.
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mary rosenblum
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Different effect.
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megger
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Unless they are the base for the
flowing stream, like in The Moldau....
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mary rosenblum
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Ah yes, but then they create
the rippling waters...
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mary rosenblum
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it's all in the way you put
them together.
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archer
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is there ever a reason to use
the long version?
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mary rosenblum
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Well, you could. Say you
wanted the effect of your character running to do something before a
certain time limit...a 'ticking clock'...
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mary rosenblum
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and you want him to fail. He
doesn't get there in time.
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mary rosenblum
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If you use the 'faster'
version, readers will feel that he should have made it.
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mary rosenblum
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If you use the slower version,
you drag out the run and we're thinking 'hurry hurry hurry'...
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mary rosenblum
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and you heighten the suspense.
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mary rosenblum
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You are creating the effect of
a slower run.
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archer
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so its a matter of pacing?
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mary rosenblum
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In this case, yes.
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randi-lee
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he could kind of make it in the
fast version until he gets there and someone kills him as he comes through
the door.
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mary rosenblum
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Or he could just be too late.
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mary rosenblum
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BUT...the reader thinks he'll
make it until he doesn't.
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mary rosenblum
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In the slower version, we'll
already be getting tense, urging him on.
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mary rosenblum
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Choose the effect you want to
create for this story...
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mary rosenblum
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do you want suspense or that
surprise of 'bang you lose' at the end.
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mary rosenblum
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You use the words that give
you that effect.
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randi-lee
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or he may seem to make it, get
shot, not die(not that the reader knows that) until he gets up and stops
the perp.
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mary rosenblum
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Sure, but again, the running
across the field is what is affected by the different wording.
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archer
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so passive for suspense, active
for surprise
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mary rosenblum
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Neither of those sentences was
in passive voice, actually, archer.
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mary rosenblum
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It's just an illustration of
how words create an effect.
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mary rosenblum
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And when you use passive voice
without doing so intentionally...
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mary rosenblum
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you may create an effect you
didn't intend.
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mary rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and we're talking about passive voice
and clunky prose. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short
stories and will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the
'word bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in
order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can
use /ask and type your question into the regular send bar if that works
better for you..
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mary rosenblum
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I see a lot of student stories
where the dramatic climax is very slack and weak...
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mary rosenblum
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because it is obscured by
passive construction and lots of unneeded words.
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randi-lee
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so: was, were, had are all
passive correct? What other ones are considered passive?
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mary rosenblum
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These are all to be verbs
randi and while they do appear in passive voice, they can also appear in
active voice...
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mary rosenblum
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and if you replace 90 percent
of all 'to be' verbs in your work with more powerful verbs, you will make a
HUGE difference in your prose.
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mary rosenblum
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I took a graduate course in
creative writing at Portland State years ago, and the first thing the prof
did was require us to write...
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mary rosenblum
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five pages of descriptive
narrative without using a SINGLE to be ver.
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mary rosenblum
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verb.
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teddo
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so, if i'm writing a tear
jerker, i'd use mostly passive
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mary rosenblum
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No.
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mary rosenblum
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Passive is rarely a good idea.
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mary rosenblum
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You can use it when needed,
but do it sparingly.
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mary rosenblum
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A tear jerker need strong,
active prose to create a compelling effect.
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mary rosenblum
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Think of passive voice as
'blurry'.
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mary rosenblum
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You may want to 'blur' a brief
scene in your story, or have a character who seems 'blurry' (NOT your main
characater, most likely)...
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mary rosenblum
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but don't fog up your whole
story!
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lore alley
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I have an action scene that is
really "flabby". I'm using active voice, choppy words, and
showing/not telling and I still feel like it plods. Is there anything else
I can do to tighten it up?
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mary rosenblum
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I'd have to see it, lore. Can
you paste it in here?
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mary rosenblum
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At least a paragraph?
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starr r
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So you want to avoid the past
tense of the verb "to be"
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mary rosenblum
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Yep. Here are some words for
the black list:
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mary rosenblum
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all 'to be verbs' would !!!!
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mary rosenblum
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really.
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mary rosenblum
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(My own personal bad habit)
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mary rosenblum
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very
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andi
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what is an example of using
passive
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mary rosenblum
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If you came in late, andi, I
compared active and passive pretty thoroughly early on here...
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mary rosenblum
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but passive is: The bone was
eaten by the dog. The subject does not do the action of the verb..the bone
does not eat anything.
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mary rosenblum
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The dog ate the bone is
active. The dog does the action...it eats the bone.
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archer
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would you give and example of
replacing a "to be"verb in a sentence please?
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mary rosenblum
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The house was next to the
road. It was very old, with sagging shutters and Cary was surprised to see
that it was still standing.
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mary rosenblum
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The house stood next to the
road, shutters sagging. Cary eyed it, amazed. Still there? After all these
years?
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tory
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Mary, as a new writer it seems
even if I use passive voice for a passive character, editors/instructors
criticize it, thinking it is a newbiew mistake. I'm beginning to think it's
better to wait until I've published a few things to use that type of
character so editors know it is on purpose.
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mary rosenblum
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And, to be honest, you may be
using it much more than warranted.
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mary rosenblum
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It is NOT a good way to create
a passive character.
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mary rosenblum
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That character may use passive
voice when speaking, but if you're going to use passive voice...
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mary rosenblum
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to create an effect, it needs
to be subtle enough that the reader doesn't notice it.
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mary rosenblum
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That is not easy to do.
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writeaway
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Thanks, Mary. I was late because
the storm was active and it made me passive.LOL.
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mary rosenblum
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I'm laughing write.
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lore alley
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yikes! I'd have to dig it out of
one of my many notebooks-in-progress. Maybe I'll bring it into the workshop
next week. Sorry!
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mary rosenblum
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Do that, lore.
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mary rosenblum
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This is what drives new
writers to distraction.
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mary rosenblum
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There are so many elements
that must come together to create a really vibrant scene...
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mary rosenblum
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and when you start out, you
master this, you get that...and it STILL doesn't work...
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mary rosenblum
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and you can't see why. And it
is SO frustrating.
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mary rosenblum
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But you know what? Happened to
me. Happened to everybody starting out...
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mary rosenblum
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and one day, you look at that
scene and you think, oh, I need to ....
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mary rosenblum
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and fix the problem.
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mary rosenblum
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Remember. You are not born
with a finite amount of craft. You don't have much when you start
writing...
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mary rosenblum
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and you gain more and more as
you practice...
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mary rosenblum
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just as you start with
chopsticks and work up to Beethoven.
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starr r
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Sometimes it seems like my work
will never be perfect.
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mary rosenblum
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Starr, this is a very common
misconception...that there is a perfect.
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mary rosenblum
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That implies there is a
standard...an idea.
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mary rosenblum
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ideal!
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mary rosenblum
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There IS no ideal in writing.
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mary rosenblum
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Your work will always come
alive for some people and others will find it ho hum.
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mary rosenblum
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If most of the people who read
you find it powerful...you're doing fine.
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mary rosenblum
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If most people yawn, you have
a ways to go yet.
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mary rosenblum
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But there IS no perfect.
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mary rosenblum
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There IS no ideal.
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writewoman13
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I often use passive construction
in business letters, since it seems more polite to say, "The claim was
not honored," rather than "You denied my claim." Might be a
way to utilize passive in a story, i.e., the obsequious character only
speaks in passive so as not to give offense.
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mary rosenblum
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Exactly, write.
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mary rosenblum
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It works best with dialogue,
and of course, it is a business form...
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mary rosenblum
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so if you're character is
reading a business letter, you'd use it.
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mary rosenblum
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If your character is a lawyer
who is kind of stuffy and never stops behing a lawyer, he might always
speak in passive voice.
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mary rosenblum
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It does give dialogue an air
of pomposity.
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mary rosenblum
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Beware of using it in
exposition!
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randi-lee
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is this session going to be
logged into the archives where we can go back and look at it, Mary?
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mary rosenblum
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They all are, randi.
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mary rosenblum
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writing craft: forum
transcripts.
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starr r
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That's comforting. Thanks, Mary.
I will *try* to keep that in mind. But sometimes, it's so hard to believe.
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mary rosenblum
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Oh, don't I know that, starr!
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mary rosenblum
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But I felt just the same way
you did, when I started out.
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sweett
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So true on the lawyer passive
voice. lol. I get in trouble for changing my bosses letters to active.
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mary rosenblum
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LOL sweett.
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roe
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but if you want to write a
storng business letter and get your point across you might say You denied
my claim
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mary rosenblum
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Now you're getting into
business writing which has its own expecations, and that might not be true.
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mary rosenblum
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When I"ve had to write a
letter to complain or contest something, I intentionally use very formal
'lawyerese' style.
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mary rosenblum
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I am saying, I am serious, I
will take you to court if I have to, and I know what I'm doing.
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mary rosenblum
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I don't want to sound like
some angry woman who doesn't have a clue about what to do.
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megger
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Okay - thanks all.....something
like "Step with me into another world and meet the past. Charleston
chalenges you to meet the American founders, the heroes, the demons, the
joy and the sorrow of a new nation stepping into an unknown world."
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mary rosenblum
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OH, nice, megger.
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roe
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I meant for a character
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mary rosenblum
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Well, the character probably
would talk like that, roe.
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lore alley
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[sigh] that's so comforting! I
see such awesome vivid scenes in my head, write them down, and think, ew!
flab! VERY frustrating!
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mary rosenblum
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Oh yeah... But keep working at
it. The fact that you can tell it's not quite what you want says a lot...
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mary rosenblum
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it means you know good, strong
prose when you see it...
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mary rosenblum
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and that means you're halfway
there or better to writing it.
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randi-lee
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I am going to do the 3-day novel
contest on Labour Day weekend. I am going to try this with now passive
voice and not running back every ten min to edit what I wrote before. It is
a challenge to me to see if I can finish one and without any passive voice
in it. Except for dialogue..
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mary rosenblum
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Hey, it will be a GREAT
exercise.
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mary rosenblum
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The more you pay attention to
active voice, the more automatic it becomes.
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mary rosenblum
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I have to consciously do it if
I"m writing examples for students.
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mary rosenblum
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I'll usually write a scene the
way I normally would, then go back and make it into flabby prose.
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mary rosenblum
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It is an automatic habit at
this point.
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starr r
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Will you explain the difference
between exposition and narrative, please?
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mary rosenblum
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This is a tricky one, starr.
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mary rosenblum
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Essentially they are the same
thing...the author telling us what is on the stage.
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mary rosenblum
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BUT in exposition, you try to
hide the telling so that the reader feels that he or she is actually seeing
the scene...
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mary rosenblum
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and in narrative someone is
obviously speaking to us...either the author or a narrator/character.
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mary rosenblum
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Let me give you an example.
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mary rosenblum
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Ellie peeked into the living
room. No Martha. She tiptoed over to the piano, ran her fingers across the
satiny finish. Someday, she promised it silently. Some day, I'll find a way
to buy you back.
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mary rosenblum
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We're seeing Ellie tiptoe into
the living room and run her fingers over the piano.
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mary rosenblum
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Now I'll do the narrative
version.
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mary rosenblum
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When Ellie arrived at the
house, she went straight to the living room and peeked inside, looking for
Martha.
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mary rosenblum
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When she didn't see her, she
tiptoed across the room to the piano and ran loving fingers of its satiny
finish.
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mary rosenblum
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How she missed it. She still
cried every day when she had to use the clangy school piano.
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mary rosenblum
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Some day, she would buy it
back. She promised herself and the piano that she would find a way.
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archer
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so is exposition considered
stronger than narrative?
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mary rosenblum
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All things being equal,
exposition is usually stronger than narrative.
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mary rosenblum
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NOW...if a strong and engaging
voice is telling the story, that may not be true.
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mary rosenblum
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Then the character of the
narrator comes into play. Here, the narrator is the author and not adding
any interest to the scene.
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mary rosenblum
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If I do the same scene with a
strong, interesting narrative voice, it might even be stronger than the
exposition...
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mary rosenblum
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but then the narrator is
clearly part of the story.
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starr r
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Like Scout's voice.
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mary rosenblum
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Exactly.
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randi-lee
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sometimes it is just so
difficult because you know it is passive, but then every way you try is
clumsy and looks dreadful.
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mary rosenblum
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And when that's the case,
randi...use passive.
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mary rosenblum
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And sometimes that 'to be'
verb is simply the best way to say it!
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mary rosenblum
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She was happy.
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mary rosenblum
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If that fits, if any other way
to show the reader she's happy is convoluted and clunky...
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mary rosenblum
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I'm gonna write: She was
happy.
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mary rosenblum
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But if I can show the reader
she's happy by simply having her smile or hum to herself, then I won't use
that.
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teddo
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does good exposition make one
forget that they're reading
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mary rosenblum
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Exactly, teddo.
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mary rosenblum
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That's your goal....to
transport the reader from his/her chair to your world. That is the ultimate
power of writing, in my opinion...
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mary rosenblum
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to take the reader to YOUR
universe.
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mary rosenblum
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I love it when someone does it
to me.
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whistlin_smithy
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So one might say exposition may
involve interior monologue or other techniques of reduced narrative
distance where narrative is maintains that narration at arm's length?
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mary rosenblum
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Good way to put it, smithy.
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mary rosenblum
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I did a very small narrative
distance in the first Ellie example.
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mary rosenblum
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In the second, the distance is
much larger...someone is obviouslys telling us about Ellie and we are no
longer in her head.
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lore alley
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okay, this is probably a dumb
question, but is 1st person always narrative?
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, it is, lore. The MC is
telling the story.
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mary rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and we're talking about passive
voice and clunky prose. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short
stories and will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the
'word bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in
order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can
use /ask and type your question into the regular send bar if that works
better for you..
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archer
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can you switch between the 2
voices or should you pick 1 and stick with it?
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mary rosenblum
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archer you asked this some
time ago...you mean active and passive voice, I assume?
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mary rosenblum
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This you do on a sentence by
sentence basis...
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mary rosenblum
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The problem is that many
people do it automatically, without thinking about it...
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mary rosenblum
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or use it because it feels
'scholarly' and they think it makes their prose sound more literary.
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mary rosenblum
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I see it a lot in the first
assignment character sketch, mainly because the new student is trying too
hard.
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mary rosenblum
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And I don't usually comment on
it, because it mostly goes away after that, as they get more comfortable.
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mary rosenblum
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If it persists, then I bring
it to their attention.
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mary rosenblum
|
This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and we're talking about passive
voice and clunky prose. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short
stories and will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new
here, remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the
'word bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in
order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can
use /ask and type your question into the regular send bar if that works
better for you..
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mary rosenblum
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Would is another one I have to
bring up here.
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mary rosenblum
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It is a conversational fad
right now.
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mary rosenblum
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We stick it into conversation
all the time!
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mary rosenblum
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And most new writers write in
coversational English at first.
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mary rosenblum
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Every day I would go to the
store.
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mary rosenblum
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After supper I would do my
homework and then I would go to bed.
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mary rosenblum
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These are actually incorrect
usages and would is an 'empty' word.
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mary rosenblum
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It adds no visual info to the
scene...just like the to be verbs.
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mary rosenblum
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so it merely takes up space on
the page.
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mary rosenblum
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Every day I went to the store.
After supper, I did my homework and then went to bed.
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mary rosenblum
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Just avoid it.
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mary rosenblum
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You rarely need to use it.
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mary rosenblum
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Just delete it from your
vocabulary. You'll be glad you did.
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mary rosenblum
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Another aspect of strong
prose...
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mary rosenblum
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ideally every word gives the
reader visual information.
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mary rosenblum
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Now we are stuck with a, an,
the, so make the rest of 'em count!
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mary rosenblum
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Instead of 'He was in the
car'...give us some more visuals.
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mary rosenblum
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He crouched in the car. He
hunched behind the wheel...
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mary rosenblum
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He sat in the chair: He
lounged in the chair, he slumped in the chair, he jittered on the edge of
his seat...
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mary rosenblum
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See what I mean?
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mary rosenblum
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The more you can PACK each
sentence with input, the stronger your prose is.
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info
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But wouldn't you need it once in
a while? i.e. 'How would anyone know that?'
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mary rosenblum
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Yeah, all concede. I can't
think of any other way to say that. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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There are a few times it's
necessary.
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mary rosenblum
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LIke about five.
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mary rosenblum
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Other than THAT, delete it.
:-)
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mary rosenblum
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Next Friday, we'll do a little
writers workshop.
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roe
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Oh Mary, I am a bad one with
would, and in my first published story it was full of it for Good Old Days
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mary rosenblum
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Yeah, well, I hate to say it
but published doesn't always mean it's the best you'll ever do.
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mary rosenblum
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And there is some really bad
stuff out there in the world of publishing...not meaning your piece, roe.
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roe
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I read it a couple of months ago
and cringed
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mary rosenblum
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LOL roe, I'll certainly edit a
few of my early stories before they show up again.
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roe
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well good old days is nostalgia
not necessarily written by writers
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mary rosenblum
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It is, and one of the reasons
I love to send students there is that they really want good nostalgia and
they're tolerant of new writers problems with prose.
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mary rosenblum
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If it's good nostalgia,
they'll overlook the problems. :-)
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geezer
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'ly' and 'ing' words are
verboten by my teacher. Why were they invented?
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mary rosenblum
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OH, they're useful, but mostly
they get used to tell instead of show, geezer.
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mary rosenblum
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Instead of 'He said lovingly',
you show us that he loves her and he can murmur...we'll hear lovingly.
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mary rosenblum
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YOur instructor may not want
you to use 'em ever, but that's just 'cause you're learning to show it.
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mary rosenblum
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sometimes they're the right
shortcut to take.
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roe
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But ly words do have there uses,
can you give us an example of when to use them
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mary rosenblum
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"I told you I wouldn't
leave," she said gently.
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mary rosenblum
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I would use that form instead
of say, murmured if I wanted slip in the suggestion...
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mary rosenblum
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that it wasn't just her tone
of voice that was gentle but something about the exchange.
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mary rosenblum
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As to ing...
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mary rosenblum
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a lot of people simply use
incorrect verb forms.
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mary rosenblum
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All day she was working in her
hard.
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mary rosenblum
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Nope.
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mary rosenblum
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Try: All day she worked in her
yard.
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whistlin_smithy
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May 'she' could just lay her
hand on his arm to indicate gentleness?
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mary rosenblum
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Could be, smithy.
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mary rosenblum
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Depends on context.
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roe
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I think my favorite sentence
that I read with ly word (and can't remember the book but the sentence
popped out as being a good way to use LY) He nodded woodenly
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mary rosenblum
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There are times to use them.
It's just that beginners tend to over use 'em.
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babbles
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What about He, and She usage, I
try to watch out for over use of-exp--She kissed him saying good night. I
now write--Kissing him gently saying "good-nightgood-night"
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mary rosenblum
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'Cept your verb is off,
babbles.
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roe
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I remember years ago it seemed
that was the proper way to write, (I mean lots of years ago) I thaink
authors did it all the time that was how they showed, with ly words
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mary rosenblum
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styles change.
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mary rosenblum
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Go read Dickens. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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And authors used to get paid
by the word for novels, remember....
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starr r
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Thank you for an informative
forum, Mary.
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mary rosenblum
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And thank you all for coming!
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mary rosenblum
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Do join us on Sunday...
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mary rosenblum
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for our casual chat...no
topic, we just talk writing or whatever...
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mary rosenblum
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same time as this Forum, but
on Sunday.
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mary rosenblum
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Everybody is welcome.
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mary rosenblum
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Have a good weekend, all!
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mary rosenblum
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I'll post the transcript in
the usual place:
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mary rosenblum
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Writing Craft: Forum
Transcripts.
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mary rosenblum
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Goo night and write well! :-)
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