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mary rosenblum
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Hello all! I hope you had a
great week.
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mary rosenblum
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I can't believe it's already
Friday. Whew!
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mary rosenblum
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But I came up with two new
story ideas this week, one of which was ready to begin and I actually began
it a few minutes ago...spent the day shearing sheep and plotting. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and tonight we're discussing
'balance'. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short stories and
will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here,
remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word
bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to
ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask
and type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for
you..
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geezer
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Are those banana slugs anywhere
near Lassen?
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mary rosenblum
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Oh, they're ALL over the
state, geezer. And since we're having a nice, warm, wet spring, they're big
enough to eat an entire head of lettuce in one night...that's ONE slug.
LOL.
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mary rosenblum
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If we found them an appetizing
name we could end world hunger!
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elspye
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Could you define balance?
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, elspye...it's one of
those terms that isn't clearly defined by various 'how to write' authors,
but should be.
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mary rosenblum
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Essentially it means the
balance between action and description.
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mary rosenblum
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And it is a major component of
pace.
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mary rosenblum
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Your mix of description and
action will dictate how 'fast' the scene seems to pass...
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mary rosenblum
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and should fit what is going
on in your story.
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mary rosenblum
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To break it down to the
basic...action moves a story forward.
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mary rosenblum
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Description halts it.
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mary rosenblum
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BUT...a story that consists of
nothing but a barren description of the Main Character's actions will bore
readers to tears, no matter how exciting that action is.
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geezer
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I'll bring snail repellent on
our camping trip
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mary rosenblum
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BIG shaker of salt, geeze LOL
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whistlin_smithy
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Is practical or possible to
intermingle action and description successfully?
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mary rosenblum
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It is not only practical and
possible, but it is NECESSARY, smithy.
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mary rosenblum
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Otherwise you have the effect
of jerking your reader forward ...as if you kept popping the clutch and
stalling out in a car.
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mary rosenblum
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Not a fun ride!
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mary rosenblum
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If you do not intermix the two
and find that balance, you will rush forward (action) and
stop(description), rush forward, stop, rush forward...see what I mean?
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elspye
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I like to read descriptive
writers. When is it too much?
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mary rosenblum
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Me, too, elspye...action and
nothing else is boring.
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mary rosenblum
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As to when is too
much...aah...that's what balance is...that 'just right' state.
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mary rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and tonight we're discussing
'balance'. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short stories and
will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here,
remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word
bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to
ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask
and type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for
you..
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wingedwarrior24
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Can you define description and
action?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure winged.
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mary rosenblum
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He ran across the yard.
Action.
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mary rosenblum
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Overgrown rhododendrons and
azaleas turned the yard into a jungle of tangled branches patched with
brilliant blossoms.
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mary rosenblum
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Description.
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mary rosenblum
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As you can see...action takes
us running across the yard, but we sure don't see any plants!
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mary rosenblum
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And in our description
passage, we see tons of plants but nobody is running and we're not moving
along with 'em.
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speckledorf
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And how do you add in the
description with turning it into space filling narrative?
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mary rosenblum
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Aha! The key to balance.
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mary rosenblum
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If you just use the first
passage, the reader knows MC is running, but that's it.
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mary rosenblum
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Readers will probably see
grass. (generic yard)
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mary rosenblum
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BUT...if we add in all the
details of plants, blossoms, etc, we give the effect of freezing our runner
in place while we gaze at the landscape...
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mary rosenblum
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and any sense of urgency (why
is he running?) is lost. Clearly there IS no sense of urgence since our POV
can stop to admire all the rhodies.
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mary rosenblum
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So ask yourself...what one
thing will make this the yard I see to the reader (more or less)...
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mary rosenblum
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And add it in.
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mary rosenblum
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He charged through the
overgrown rhododendrons, ducking as the branches clawed at his face.
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mary rosenblum
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He ran through the yard/ we
also see a jungle.
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mary rosenblum
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He's running, so as our POV
he'll notice the branches in his way, not the pretty flowers...
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mary rosenblum
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so we give the reader the
branches. Too bad I can't show 'em the flowers, too,
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mary rosenblum
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but a few of 'em will put
flowers on 'em anyway...the readers who know what rhododendrons look like.
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mary rosenblum
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I have sacrificed the flowers
I'd LIKE to put in here to give the scene balance.
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mary rosenblum
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This is a dramatic scene,
clearly our POV is either running TO something or FROM something...
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mary rosenblum
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so he's probably not
sightseeing, so the details I'd add if he WAS sightseeing, I'll have to
leave out.
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mary rosenblum
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BUT I don't want readers to
see a barren yard. Hence balance...clawing branches and overgrown
rhododendrons, but no details about them.
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roe
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so if we add he scraped himself
on a bush or something would that work
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roe
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or jumped over a hedge
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roe
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he could slip and fall in a bed
of pansies
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mary rosenblum
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Sure. Just keep having him
encounter obstacles that are items you need to describe. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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Of course there is still
'balance' here...if he takes a month to cross a back yard...that's a bit
slow! LOL...
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mary rosenblum
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If he encounters too many
obstacles, your yard may stretch to a football field in your readers'
minds.
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whistlin_smithy
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Would you say someone like Zane
Grey went a little overboard on, say, description as opposed to action?
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mary rosenblum
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Gosh, smithy, it has been
YEARS since I read ZG, but he did love description, and I recall that he
never really caught me as a teen reader, even though I was West crazy, so
that's probably accurate.
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wyrde
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But it's not really what YOU
want to put in, it's what you need to put in to inform the reader, or keep
them interested, isn't it?
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mary rosenblum
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No, it should NOT be what YOU
want to put in...you need to put in what your POV encounters...that way you
reinforce the point of view and...
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mary rosenblum
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to step back to a previous
discussion...you reduce the narrative distance.
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mary rosenblum
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If you describe the whole yard
while our MC runs across it...clearly we are standing outside the scene
seeing the larger picture.
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mary rosenblum
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By describing only the things
that will impinge on the MC's awareness... HUGE rhodies, branches clawing
at him...I reduce the narrative distance and put us right there with the
character IN the scene.
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whistlin_smithy
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So narrative distance definitely
has a correlation to balance?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure, but not directly.
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mary rosenblum
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Balance is how much
description to match with the action in order to create a specific pace and
intensity...
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mary rosenblum
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WHICH descriptions you include
will set the narrative distance to small (seen through the POV's eyes) or
large (seen from the 'audience' outside the scene).
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avatar
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Description can add context to
action. Two gang members having a knife fight...in a dark cobra pit.
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mary rosenblum
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It can indeed, avatar... You
don't need to stop and tell us what is going on if one of the two fighters
leaps back as a hood flares.
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elspye
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So you constantly paint the
scene of action, it intermingles
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mary rosenblum
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Well, I didn't get all your
post, but yes, you constantly intertwine action and description...
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mary rosenblum
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and that balance between them
shifts depending on the dramatic intensity of the scene.
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wyrde
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So balance is judgement, I tend
to backstory/char desc on the way to action (so movement takes place),
scene desc on arrival, then action, make sense?
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mary rosenblum
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Well, you can do it that way,
but again, that has the effect of pushing the story forward in fits and
starts...we stop while we hear backstory and look at the character, then we
LEAP into action.
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mary rosenblum
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You're probably going to have
a stronger story if you give the MC something to do from begining to end...
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mary rosenblum
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As she washes dishes she
thinks longingly of the past and we learn alot, but we also follow her
actions as she moves about the kitchen...
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mary rosenblum
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and get a sense of the scene,
and when the door rings, and the threatening stranger pushes inside, the
pace and intensity of the story...
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mary rosenblum
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increase, but the story
doesn't JERK forward... we were already moving slowly forward as she did
her dishes, now the pace and intensity picks up is all.
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mary rosenblum
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It makes for a smoother and
more realistic story. You don't have the narrative intrusions that way.
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elspye
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So if balance is proper POV is
maintained and pace is fluid?
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mary rosenblum
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Exactly, elspye. Well put.
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elspye
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Does the amount of description
depend on audience age?
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, it does.
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mary rosenblum
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And that is because your POV
probably reflects the age of the reader.
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mary rosenblum
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If you're writing Young Adult,
YA, fiction, you probably use a POV who might be what? 10, 12, 14?
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mary rosenblum
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And a kid notices different
things than an adult does.
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mary rosenblum
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And pays attention to
different details than an adult...
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mary rosenblum
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and yeah, they tend to like
more action, less describing...
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mary rosenblum
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which doesn't mean you use NO
description, but you use sparse and powerful description.
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whistlin_smithy
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my son is nodding vigorously.
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mary rosenblum
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Yep...that's the criticism I
hear most often from young readers when I ask 'em about something they are
reading...'too much description'.
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roe
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so less is best in the case of
description of a hurried scene ? a leisurely stroll through the garden
would be different we could even add the aroma of flowers right?
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mary rosenblum
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Exactly, roe.
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mary rosenblum
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Your balance changes depending
on what your MC is up to.
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mary rosenblum
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For example, I'm working on a
scene were a new recruit arrives on an orbital station, and he puts his
gear away...
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mary rosenblum
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which provides low key action
and permits him (and my readers) to notice this new space, and to learn
some back story as he grumbles to himself.
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elspye
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But some of the most populare
Child lit is descriptive such
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mary rosenblum
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There are exceptions to every
rule, elspye, but remember...if someone else has done it this way and
succeeded, does that guanatee that YOU will?
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mary rosenblum
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AND...there is a whole class
of childrens' litereature that is bought by parental choice, by not the
choice of young readers.
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mary rosenblum
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Then, too, if you have a
really really strong story to tell and readers love it and love your
characters...
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mary rosenblum
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you can essentially get away
with whatever. But you DO have to have that knock-em-out gem of a story and
characters.
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mary rosenblum
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When you are just starting and
nobody knows you, it's a good idea to try really really hard to make your
work as powerful as you can.
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elspye
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do I know when it is too much in
child lit.
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mary rosenblum
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Oh, missed the other half of
your question! That's easy, elspye...
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mary rosenblum
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give it to four or five kids
to read and give 'em questions to answer after.
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mary rosenblum
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Make one question: Would you
like more description or less?
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mary rosenblum
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They'll tell you. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and tonight we're discussing
'balance'. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short stories and
will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here,
remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word
bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to
ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask
and type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for
you..
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lil-duv
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Is that what is known as smooth
transition also?
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mary rosenblum
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Well, not really,
lil...transitions are the 'seams' between scenes or chapters or the
connecting bridge that covers...
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mary rosenblum
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a sea of boring time in a
story.
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mary rosenblum
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If you have a scene set at
breakfast, for example...
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mary rosenblum
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and your next scene is after
work, and you don't want to spend pages telling the reader about the MC's
boring day...
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mary rosenblum
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you might use a transition...
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mary rosenblum
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Sam put the breakfast dishes
in the dish washer and headed off to work. It was a day like any other,
brightened only by the new employee's latest stupid mistake. At five
o'clock he locked up his desk and headed for Wilf's to meet Annie.
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mary rosenblum
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That's instead of writing a
looong detailed scene.
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elspye
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Transition is another factor
that can mess with pace then?
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mary rosenblum
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Transitions will help you
'take tucks' in a long stretch of time where you have islands of action in
a sea of boring details.
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writeaway
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If I read a story with a lot of
description, I feel I'm reading a tourist brochure and tend to forget what
the story is about.
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mary rosenblum
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Yep. It's out of
balance...nothing is happening.
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whistlin_smithy
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would it be fair to say balance
and narrative description have a pulse, an ebb and flow in any particular
piece of fiction?
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mary rosenblum
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Right on, smithy...you create
a rise and fall of dramatic tension and that does indeed give your story a
pulse.
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mary rosenblum
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While your story builds to the
climax, it need not be a smooth climb, but rather a series of peaks and
valleys that get higher overall until we reach the climax.
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mary rosenblum
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You create those peaks of
dramatic tension by reducing description and increasing action or dialogue
(dialogue IS action).
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elspye
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Then you are saying that
description is useful only if it
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elspye
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supports the action?
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mary rosenblum
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Not at all. What would a story
be without description?
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mary rosenblum
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Description is critical to a
story. And so is action of the characters.
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mary rosenblum
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The idea is balance...so that
they work together rather than interrupting each other.
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mary rosenblum
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And depending on your
strengths as a writer, you can use much more or much less description.
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mary rosenblum
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I tend to write on the spare
side of the spectrum...I use description, but not lush and plentiful
description.
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mary rosenblum
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Peter Beagle (Last Unicorn)
writes lush and absolutely gorgeous description! MUCH more than I use...
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mary rosenblum
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but just as I do, he threads
that rich garden of words on action.
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mary rosenblum
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He is incredibly good with
description, and actually, when he writes a 'spare' story, I find it a bit
disappointing.
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mary rosenblum
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His strength is his rich
landscapes in my opinion.
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mary rosenblum
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It's not that you want to use
little description, you want to balance it with action so that the story
flows.
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whistlin_smithy
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From reading "On Writing
Well" it sounds as if William Zinsser wants us to strive for austerity
in description and action. Maybe what he is promoting is proper word
choice?
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mary rosenblum
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Well, you must remember,
smithy, that Zinsser is talking about nonfiction writing. He really isn't
addressing fiction...
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mary rosenblum
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and in nonfiction, unless it
is personal narrataive, yes, language is very spare.
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mary rosenblum
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Of course if you're writing
for the travel mags you'll include more descriptive details than you will
if you're writing...
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mary rosenblum
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for Scientific American!
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mary rosenblum
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But don't apply Zinsser to
specifically to fiction. What he said applys to fiction...but with a bit of
tweaking.
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brpeterson
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the weather or scenery?
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brpeterson
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If you have a transition like
that do you say anything about
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mary rosenblum
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Sorry...posted them in reverse
order...
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mary rosenblum
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In the example I gave you I
would not. That transition is designed to get you from breakfast to the
meeting after work...
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mary rosenblum
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and unless the weather and
scenery are important to the story, I'll leave them out.
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avatar
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Do different genres generally
use different levels of description?
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mary rosenblum
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I wouldn't say generally that
different genres use different levels of description, avatar...
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mary rosenblum
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it's pretty flexible. Essentially,
when you look at amount of description the only question is 'does it work'?
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mary rosenblum
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Actually, as I recall, Gorky
Park, which was a best seller...
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mary rosenblum
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mystery/thriller, was very
rich in description.
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mary rosenblum
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And that's not typical of that
sub genre.
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elspye
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Yet I read Non fiction that
depends on fiction techniques to
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elspye
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add that story telling
quality..like true crime.
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mary rosenblum
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Sure, and all kinds of
personal narrative use fictional techniques...
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mary rosenblum
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that's why they're called
'creative nonfiction'.
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elspye
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That is the kind of writer I
like...rich landscapes. Can a
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elspye
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new writer get away with that?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure, elspye. There is only
ONE rule about what you can and cannot 'get away with'...
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mary rosenblum
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and that is...
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mary rosenblum
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The Story Must Work.
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mary rosenblum
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If you write something that
breaks every 'rule' in every writing book out there and is DYNAMITE, you'll
sell it.
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mary rosenblum
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BUT...
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mary rosenblum
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the reason a lot of 'how to'
advice says 'do this' and 'don't do that'...
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mary rosenblum
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is that these are techniques
that tend to work, even before you've grown into your full maturity as a
writer...
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mary rosenblum
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It's HARD to write a short
story with six POV characters and make it powerful!
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, you CAN do it, but it is
HARD.
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mary rosenblum
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So a lot of that 'do this
don't do that' advice is not that this is a rule, but rather, start with
something easy...
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mary rosenblum
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and break the rules as you get
good with the rules. :-) And you should always break those rules. Push the
envelope. If you don't try, how to you know whether it'll work for you or
not?
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roe
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okay so on your earlier example
of him running through the yard and he watches the branches can we add some
thought
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mary rosenblum
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Sure....and that can give us
teh context of what is going on...
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mary rosenblum
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Again..it's balance we are
seeking here. In this scene, we have a lot of drama...
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mary rosenblum
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if our MC is being chased. He
might think about what he's running from or running to...
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mary rosenblum
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BUT...think about this. What
if this is a jogger and he's taking a usual shortcut through an abandoned
lot?
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mary rosenblum
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See? Suddenly our balance is
all wrong!
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mary rosenblum
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He's relaxed, he's thinking
about dinner, his day at work, that his doctor told him his cholesterol has
gone down.
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mary rosenblum
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Now he can notice the flowers,
hear birds...
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mary rosenblum
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and suddenly our balance has
changed and we can really add much more description...
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mary rosenblum
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because now this is NOT an
intense scene and we can establish the balance with lots more description.
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elspye
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I guess it doesn't make sense to
have someone who is
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elspye
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running for their life notice
the flowers are blooming and
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elspye
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how refreshing they smell.
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mary rosenblum
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Yep...but our jogger can.
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mary rosenblum
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Do you see how
characterization, description, and action all tie together in narrative
distance and balance?
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mary rosenblum
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All these things are part of
the scene and they all work together...each is part of the other.
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lilmac
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So if you become the MC and
persent it, can you get balance?
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mary rosenblum
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If you put yourself firmly
into the MC's head and really filter everything through his/ her awarement,
then you will find balance pretty easy to achieve.
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lil-duv
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this has been an ah ha moment, I
get it!!!!
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mary rosenblum
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Oh, cool, Lil!
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brpeterson
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what about character
descriptions? how detailed should they
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brpeterson
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be?
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mary rosenblum
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Character descriptions of your
main character shouldn't be very detailed at all...
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mary rosenblum
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because they will come thorugh
the character's POV and how often do you contemplate your own appearance in
detail?
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owlybear
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Some description could be used
in tag lines couldn't it??
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mary rosenblum
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Well, tag lines usually
include action, owly, but you can add description to that action.
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mary rosenblum
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"Yes, I'll be sure to
stop at the store." Marie dropped two slices of bread into the yellow
toaster. She hated yellow but Brad's mother had insisted on giving them a
whole set of yellow appliances for Christmas.
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whistlin_smithy
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So if a good bit of description
is included in dialogue, is it best to temper the description outside the
dialogue, water it down a little, let the characters provide the
description through zero narrative distance?
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mary rosenblum
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It's a good idea to let the
POV character provide the description, smithy, rather than breaking in with
your own words.
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mary rosenblum
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Here, for example, we now see
a kitchen with all yellow appliancs. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and tonight we're discussing
'balance'. I've published seven novels and more than 60 short stories and
will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here,
remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word
bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to
ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask
and type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for
you..
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speckledorf
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And we check out our balance
when editing not in the first draft right?
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mary rosenblum
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Yep.
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mary rosenblum
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As you become more
accomplished in writing, you'll deal with some of these issues as you write
the first draft...
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mary rosenblum
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because they'll be something
that you are by then, very aware of...
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mary rosenblum
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but right now, don't think
about anything except getting the story down, now.
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elspye
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Could you define tag lines
please?
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brpeterson
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tag lines?
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mary rosenblum
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TAg lines are the 'tags' that
identify the speaker.
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mary rosenblum
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"I don't know,"
Jamie said. 'Jamie said' is the tag line. e
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mary rosenblum
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If you show us the speaker's
actions immediately after a line of dialogue...
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mary rosenblum
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we immediately assume the
person whose actions we see is the speaker.
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mary rosenblum
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"I don't know."
Jamie stomped out of the room.
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mary rosenblum
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That is waht is called an
action tag. Jamie clearly said "I don't know', but I have avoided
using 'said'...
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mary rosenblum
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and I have not had to use
'annouced', 'grumbled', 'whispered' or any of those other hundred
'saidisms' your High School English teacher taught you! LOL
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mary rosenblum
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So balance in essence is the
right mix of description and action. You can have LOTS of description...
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mary rosenblum
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but if your character is begin
chased by polar bears it will not balance!
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mary rosenblum
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But if he is sitting in a
kayak floating down the Yukon and fishing...
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mary rosenblum
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the action of fishing will
move the scene forward and you can let him enjoy the lush Alaskan scenery
at length.
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mary rosenblum
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You will have lots of
description and the scene will balance.
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brpeterson
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so we should avoid saidisms?
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mary rosenblum
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Your dialogue will be much
stronger if you replace 'said' with action.
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mary rosenblum
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You get to show the reader the
scene and you have left out that empty word 'said'.
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whistlin_smithy
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I can see how our discussion of
balance helps to clarify the discussion of narrative distance.
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mary rosenblum
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they are connected, smithy,
and both are connected to characterization, too...
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mary rosenblum
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since the description your
choose should reflect the character's world view and mind set.
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elspye
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I've noticed that the books that
sell best in our fiction
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elspye
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are fast past like Davinci Code.
Pace is a determining
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elspye
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factor it seems.
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mary rosenblum
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Popular reads do tend to be
fast paced...they hold the reader. Are they outstanding books? CLassics?
Not usually. Don't mistake popular for 'good'. They are not always
synonymous. I wish they were!
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brpeterson
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even for young adult and kid
stories?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure. If you make it clear who
is speaking, why use said at all?
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mary rosenblum
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For very simple 'early reader
books', 'Big Bird said' is often the best way to do it.
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whistlin_smithy
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Can I use description to show a
contrast between the character's world view and his or her mind set? In
other words, can description be used in a negative context along with, say,
positive actions, maintaining a balanced narrative?
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mary rosenblum
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Well, if you are maintaining a
strong POV and minimal narrative distance...
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mary rosenblum
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ie we are sitting inside the
POV's head, so to speak...then yoru description is in the POV's own
vocabulary...
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mary rosenblum
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and the effect is that we are
overhearing his/her own thoughts. I'm not entirely sure what you mean here.
Can you give me an example?
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whistlin_smithy
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Not right of the top of my head.
I was just thinking of a short story I wrote where I used the same or
similar words to describe actions going on outside the present scene as I
used to describe dialog between the two main characters.
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mary rosenblum
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Well, that sounds right,
smithy...they would reflect your POVs personal word choice and tend to make
us feel that we were inside his thoughts.
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info
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how about this as an example, if
I am understanding whistlin smithy right. an employer keeps giving an employee
more and more task to do. As a positive, the boss wouldn't give the help
more work if he didn't think the help wasn't up to it. But the employee
stresses out because he or she can't deal with it....a negative.
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mary rosenblum
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Is this what you're thinking
of, smithy?
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pliz
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How do you keep their thoughts
with dialogue from other peop
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mary rosenblum
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You can make the thought clear
from context or use 'she thought' pliz:
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mary rosenblum
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"I really don't want to
go." Rebecca tossed her head. "They're beneath me."
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mary rosenblum
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You're just stuck up, Candy
thought. She smiled. "Oh well, you'll have more time to study,"
she said out loud.
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roe
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can we leave off the said out
loud?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure. I put that in purely for
rhythmical effect.
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mary rosenblum
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I listen to how words sound as
I write 'em.
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whistlin_smithy
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Umm, kind of. I was thinking
more, I guess of contrasting a negative description of scenery or actions,
with positive dialog using the same terminology. Kind of like,
"...don't chug anymore of that awful stuff, Gladys." and the
train chugged up the steep grade. Probably a poor example.
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mary rosenblum
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Ah,I see what you mean. YOu
can do that, and make it work, and it would be way cool...sort of like a
pun intended.
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mary rosenblum
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Or it can really clunk!
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mary rosenblum
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Your readers are going to
notice the same word used different ways...
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mary rosenblum
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so make it work for you.
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roe
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so sometimes it's good to use
she/he said
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mary rosenblum
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You know, when it is the
simplest way to get the point across use it!
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mary rosenblum
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Just not constantly!
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mary rosenblum
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Said is NOT bad or wrong!
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mary rosenblum
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it is a perfectly fine
'invisible' word...
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mary rosenblum
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but when you use it all the
time, readers start hearing it.
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mary rosenblum
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So use action tags to vary
those tag lines.
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whistlin_smithy
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Hope it works--really, really
well. The story went out to Glimmer Train yesterday!
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mary rosenblum
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Oh, good luck!
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lilmac
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off subject. How do you get into
third person?
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mary rosenblum
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Third person is simply he,
she, or character's name, lilamc.
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mary rosenblum
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She went to the zoo. Annie
shut the door.
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mary rosenblum
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Ben gave the dog a bone.
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mary rosenblum
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Third person.
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avatar
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Concerning the chug pun.
Wouldn't the tone matter. If this were a humerous piece it would work
better than a serious one?
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mary rosenblum
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A lot of things would matter!
You wouldn't do it just to do it because it IS going to make your reader go
'huh'?
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mary rosenblum
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So you want your reader to go
'huh' and it adds to the story.
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whistlin_smithy
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Avatar, it is a humorous piece.
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mary rosenblum
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There you go...that was my
guess as to 'best use'. :-)
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elspye
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Does description change when you
use first person as
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elspye
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opposed to third?
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mary rosenblum
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If you are using near-zero
narrative distance in third person, elspye, your description is going to be
very similar to that in first person.
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mary rosenblum
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In first person, your
description is ONLY what the first person narrator chooses to notice or
comment on.
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mary rosenblum
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In our yard example from the
start of the forum...
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mary rosenblum
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if our runner/jogger is not a
gardener and could care less about plants...
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mary rosenblum
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he probably won't even
identify them as rhododendrons...
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mary rosenblum
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I cut through the empty lot by
the school. It's full of these huge old shrubs but at least they don't have
thorns.
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mary rosenblum
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Clearly he's our jogger
here...he's not running.
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mary rosenblum
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Here's our 'running from'
version.
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mary rosenblum
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I cut through the lot hoping
he wouldn't turn the corner in time to see me. Ducked branches, tried not
to make noise. If I can make it to Mack's house, I'm home free.
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mary rosenblum
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Description in first tends to
be more limited because it MUST be what your POV would notice or your
violate the POV.
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elspye
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Pacing seems more immediate in
first person is why I asked?
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mary rosenblum
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Well, pacing can be tight or
slow in both first and third...in first the MC is telling the story,
talking to you the reader.
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mary rosenblum
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Well, this has been a fun Oregon
hour, plus tonight! Good interest!
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mary rosenblum
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Remember that every scene has
its own balance...
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mary rosenblum
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the more dramatic, the more
action, less description.
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mary rosenblum
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A contemplative scene has
plenty of room for lush description.
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mary rosenblum
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But use action in both cases
to move the scene forward.
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mary rosenblum
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I'll post the transcript in
the usual place: Writing Craft Forum Transcripts.
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mary rosenblum
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See you all Sunday for our
casual chat!
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mary rosenblum
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Same time as this, but on
Sunday.
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mary rosenblum
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No topic...we just talk.
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janp
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Thank you, Have a great weekend.
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mary rosenblum
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Thanks Jan and all..I will!
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mary rosenblum
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Have a good weekend, all. I
think I'll go work on my new story and balance. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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Good night!
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