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mary rosenblum
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Hello, all!
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mary rosenblum
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Welcome to our Tuesday
Forum... I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving.
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mary rosenblum
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And survived the Black Friday
shopping madness, if you ventured out into it.
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mary rosenblum
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I didn't. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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What's the good news, roe?
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roe
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Romance at Heart sent me a
contract for my 2nd novella
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mary rosenblum
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Congrats, Roe! (Might as well
have this show up in the transcript! :-))
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mary rosenblum
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That's great! Will this be in
print, online or ebook?
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roe
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online and possible ebook
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mary rosenblum
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Good for you! Let me know when
it's up and I'll put the link on the website.
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roe
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might even be a pod
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roe
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okay thanks it's scheduled for
April
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mary rosenblum
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I think I'm going to start a
new category in our Surviving and Thriving section...
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mary rosenblum
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featuring student
publications...links to Amazon.com or their website or wherever they want
people to purchase their books.
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mary rosenblum
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And you can send me a blurb to
post with the title and link.
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mary rosenblum
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Or post links to online articles/stories.
We might as well promote our members here!
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mary rosenblum
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I'll send out an invite when I
have the details settled.
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mary rosenblum
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So if you have something in
print/online/ebook, start working on that eyecatching and powerful blurb!
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t green
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would this link also be for ICL
students or graduates who gravitate to the Long Ridge forums, Mary??
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mary rosenblum
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You bet, t green...and for
website regulars, too, even if you're not a LR grad...
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mary rosenblum
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Okay...
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mary rosenblum
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let's talk about non narrative
description....
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mary rosenblum
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because this is probably what
new writers have the most trouble with...and it seems to be the toughest
thing to learn how to do.
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mary rosenblum
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But once you 'get it', it's a
snap.
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mary rosenblum
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This is the Tuesday Forum with
me, Mary Rosenblum, LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. Today
we're talking about non narrative description. If you're new here, remember
that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word bubble'
next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a
question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't
reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question to reach me.
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mary rosenblum
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Non narrative description is
the foundation of show don't tell...
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mary rosenblum
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because it makes the readers
feel as if you are actually 'showing' them the scene rather than telling
them.
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mary rosenblum
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And this is all, of course,
sleight of hand...
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mary rosenblum
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because without telepathy, you
really are telling them, of course...
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mary rosenblum
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but you make it SEEM as if
they are seeing it.
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mary rosenblum
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And how do you do that?
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mary rosenblum
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You simply make a much more
direct connection between words on the page and image in the brain.
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mary rosenblum
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So in effect, there is no
conscious translation between word and visual.
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mary rosenblum
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If I say 'rain'...
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mary rosenblum
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most people will see whatever
'rain' means to you...
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mary rosenblum
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a curtain of gray drizzle (you
can tell I live in Oregon) or a pounding downpour..
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mary rosenblum
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whatever 'rain' means to you
visually.
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mary rosenblum
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If I say 'It was
raining'....we have a pause while our brain organizes It, was, and raining'
and then we see the rain.
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mary rosenblum
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So our conscious mind had to
get involved and that puts a sort of 'pause' or 'filter' between 'rain' and
the image of rain in the reader's mind.
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mary rosenblum
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Non narrative description
simply means removing the narrative words like 'It' and 'was'...
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mary rosenblum
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but of course, a bunch of
disconnected descriptives aren't going to make any sense...
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mary rosenblum
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so you simply attach them to
other things...usually a character's action...
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mary rosenblum
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so that the visual words come
to the reader without the narrative.
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mary rosenblum
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Let's take the classic
example:
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mary rosenblum
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It was a dark and stormy
night.
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mary rosenblum
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You'll see 'darkness' and
whatever 'stormy' means to you...trees swaying, leaves blowing, shingles
flying...whatever...
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mary rosenblum
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but it comes after that
narrative pause: It was a...so our conscious mind is involved and knows
that this isn't really happening it's just a story you're telling.
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mary rosenblum
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This is the non narrative form
of 'It was a dark and stormy night'...
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mary rosenblum
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Brett ducked into the slashing
rain, groping for landmarks in the howling darkness.
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mary rosenblum
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It was a dark and stormy
night.
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mary rosenblum
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Now which one seems more real?
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mary rosenblum
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What I did NOT do here, was to
separate the description from the action.
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mary rosenblum
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That is the key.
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mary rosenblum
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The narrative version would
be: It was a dark and stormy night. Brett struggled across the barnyard.
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jackie7777
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So we let the characters tell us
what is happening?
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mary rosenblum
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Sort of. IN this case, because
this is in third person, Brett isn't really telling us, but by the fact
that he is ducking into the slashing rain...
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mary rosenblum
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and groping for landmarks in
the howling darkness, we get rain, wind, and night...
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mary rosenblum
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In first person, of course,
Brett would have to tell us...
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mary rosenblum
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I ducked into the storm,
groping my way across the barnyard. The ran slashed my face like knifes...
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mary rosenblum
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knives... I really CAN spell.
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mary rosenblum
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And to me, by the way, the
third person version is stronger. Because we can see the storm and the
visuals aren't filtered through Brett.
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mary rosenblum
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Which is why I often repeat
that stories with a lot of action or vivid visuals are better off most of
the time in third person rather than first.
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mary rosenblum
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One way to maket his happen is
to put yourself consciously into your POV character's head.
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mary rosenblum
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Now you ARE that person. What
would you as that character be aware of? What would you actually think
here?
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mary rosenblum
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If you're struggling through a
storm, especially if there is some urgency...
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mary rosenblum
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would you actually THINK 'It's
a dark and stormy night?"
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mary rosenblum
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I wouldn't. I probably
wouldn't think about the weather at all...just be painfully aware of the
icy rain slashing my face and the howling wind and the fact I couldn't even
find my way across familiar ground!
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mary rosenblum
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So to mimic that state of
mind, there is no 'thought' filtering..
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mary rosenblum
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we don't say, Brett groped his
way across the barnyard thinking it was a dark and stormy night.
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mary rosenblum
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We simply let the reader see
it as the rain and howling darkness impact him.
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jackie7777
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Let the actions speak louder
than the words.
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mary rosenblum
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bingo, jackie!
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mary rosenblum
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You know that old 'picture is
worth a thousand words' cliche?
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mary rosenblum
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It REALLY is true and it
REALLY applies to prose!
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phil-w
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In first person, how do you
handle a naratorless scene?
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mary rosenblum
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There is no narratorless scene
if first person, phil. That is the one limitation of first person, and one
to be aware if.
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mary rosenblum
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It is ALL told.
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mary rosenblum
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It has to be.
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mary rosenblum
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That said, you can do an
approximation of that type of description by using what I call 'direct
first person'...
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mary rosenblum
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where the person seems to be
reacting to ongoing events rather than telling us about it later.
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mbvoelker
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IMO experience makes good description.
I needed a rain in the woods scene and after I fought with cliches a while
I tossed a blanket over my head and walked up a hillside in a downpour. It
only took 10 mintues to get the right feel -- "The rain rattled on our
cloak hoods as we wound our way down the oozing trail ridged with
alternating ledges of rock and puddles of slime. The horses stepped
cautiously over tiny streams that would have been graveled ditches in dry
weather."
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mary rosenblum
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And that's a good example of
first person description, mb.
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, often doing it yourself
helps....just don't jump off a cliff to get verisimilitude! LOL
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t green
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Mary, how do you show your main
character's actions? My scene is from her POV and she's very angry, upset.
How can I "show" her body language without breaking POV?
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t green
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Oh, scene is 3rd person...
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mary rosenblum
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That is hard, t...you have to
think about what a person does when she is angry...
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mary rosenblum
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And trust that the reader will
recognize that body language. If you do it right, they will. We are all
pretty good at interpreting body language...we do it every day.
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mary rosenblum
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Anna stomped into the room and
snatched the mail from the table. Junk. She flung it at the wastebasket,
missed. Kicked envelopes and catalogues aside as she marched into the
kitchen. "Wendy! You get in here, now!"
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mary rosenblum
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Got any quesitons about her
state of mind?
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mary rosenblum
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What shows anger?
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mary rosenblum
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Clenched fists. Bitten lip.
Character feels herself flush or go white...
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mary rosenblum
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Swallows the words she wants
to say...
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mary rosenblum
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these are all indicators of
emotion and will paint us a picture of her emotional state.
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roe
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slamming things usually works
well for anger
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mary rosenblum
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Oh yes. :-)
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bobbi
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new here what is POV mean?
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mary rosenblum
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Hi, bobbi, and welcome. POV is
Point of View.
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mary rosenblum
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MC is main character. :-)
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t green
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like this is what i've got right
now... "NO!" Flair clenched and unclenched her fists, arms rigid
at her sides. Sweat popped out on her forehead. Legs trembling, she locked
her knees, struggling to remain upright. Is this a good example?
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, t, and I'd say that she
is REALLY upset...the struggling to remain upright would indicate
anxiety/fear/distress to me rather than anger, though. Me, I might kick
somebody if I'm angry, but i"m not likely to collapse. :-)
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smilingsunflower
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It is good to read self-help
books on reading/interpreting body language to help in writing about
characters.
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mary rosenblum
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They can help, smiling, but
you know what helps even more?
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mary rosenblum
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Watch people. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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We are taught that it is rude
to stare and we learn to not really look at people...it's a social
politeness that lets us get along, AND a direct stare is a challenge...
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mary rosenblum
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that is universal among
animals including humans.
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mary rosenblum
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BUT...you can look and observe
without staring.
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mary rosenblum
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I love to go to a mall food
court, for example, get a cup of coffee and watch people..
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mary rosenblum
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you'll see tired, irritable,
happy, sad, uneasy, self absorbed, extroverted...
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mary rosenblum
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all shades of human emotion...
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t green
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Yes, fear and distress are
there... good... i got it right. thanks!
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mary rosenblum
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Yep, you did...pretty strong,
too.
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rissa
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So that's why you said it is
better to use 3rd person. It would be very hard to "show" angry
in 1st person. That char would most likely "tell" that she is
angry instead.
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mary rosenblum
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Exactly, rissa. I stared at
him feeling my face go white. In about a second I was going to hit him.
"Get out of here," I whispered.
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gskearney
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Sports on TV is a good place to
watch too.
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mary rosenblum
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It can be, gsk, but the stupid
cameras keep cutting away too fast. ;-)
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mary rosenblum
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Don't use TV as a research
tool for body language generally.
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mary rosenblum
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Unless the person being filmed
is really unaware, they are changing their body language because of that
awareness that they are on TV.
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mary rosenblum
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So body language on the screen
or on stage is not real...it is overexagerrated to portray the story to the
watcher.
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mary rosenblum
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Watch real people.
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mary rosenblum
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I send writing students out
with pen and paper to public places, buses, and so forth...
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mary rosenblum
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and ask them to describe
people illustrating different emotional states...real people that they see.
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mary rosenblum
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It's an excellent exercise.
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mary rosenblum
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I do it automatically all the
time. ;-)
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mary rosenblum
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While I was waiting for my
aunt at a restaurant yesterday...
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mary rosenblum
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I watched a young teen girl
and middle aged woman come in...
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mary rosenblum
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mom and daughter? I paid
attention to the body language...mom stiff and clearly not entirely
comfortable, being too animated, smiling too much...
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mary rosenblum
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daughter, head down, sulky
slump, sleeves pulled over hands, chin on her fists, no eye contact...
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mary rosenblum
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Had fun making up the story of
what was going on here.
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mary rosenblum
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If I am not actually doing
something, I am watching people and making up stories about what is going
on...
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rissa
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My Interpersonal Communications
instructor in college had us do that. We went and sat in the cafeteria and
picked one person and watched them, then we had to come back to class and
explain all we could about the person's mood, feelings, etc. from what we
saw
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mary rosenblum
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Yep... good practice.
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mary rosenblum
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I used to get together with
two other writers...we'd go sit somewhere and make up entire novels about
the people we saw walking past! LOL
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mary rosenblum
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It was a great creative
exercise.
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mary rosenblum
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It will help you a lot when
you want people to know how your character feels and not tell those
readers.
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sweett
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Mary, I have an idea for
hands-on forum. You provide an example for us to rewrite using a specific
style. Then you provide instructional comments.
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mary rosenblum
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That would be a fun one...
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mary rosenblum
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what kinds of styles were you
thinking of, sweett?
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phil-w
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What's the secret of asking long
questions?
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mary rosenblum
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Phil, try typing /ask in your
regular send bar, leave a space, then type your question.
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mary rosenblum
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This is the Tuesday Forum with
me, Mary Rosenblum, LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. Today
we're talking about non narrative description. If you're new here, remember
that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word bubble'
next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a
question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't
reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question to reach me.
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sweett
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any would be fine. I saw the
example earlier and was trying to rewrite it. Thought it could be fun.
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mary rosenblum
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I
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mary rosenblum
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I
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mary rosenblum
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I'll do one, Swett.
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mary rosenblum
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In first person, the MC is
telling us what is going on...
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mary rosenblum
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and you have to ask
yourself...would he really say that right now?
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mary rosenblum
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In third person, we make the
reader feel as if we are seeing the character in action...and by using the
character's own vocabulary...
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mary rosenblum
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and style of speaking, we make
much of those visuals seem to be the character's own perceptions.
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mary rosenblum
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So a lot of non narrative
descsription should be filtered through the POV>
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roe
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a lot of mumbling and grumbling
helps too if the MC is alone, right?
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mary rosenblum
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As long as it seems realistic,
roe. Too much talking out loud and we readers are smiling because we see
behind the curtain...
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mary rosenblum
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to the author, pulling strings
to let us know what our MC is thinking! LOL
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mary rosenblum
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Thought is fine.
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mary rosenblum
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In our earlier example, as
Anna kicked through the fallen mail, that 'junk!' was her thought.
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mary rosenblum
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If I look at a pile of junk
mail that's all I'm going to think. I'm not going to actually think, 'It
was all junk mail'...
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mbvoelker
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Talking to a dog or a horse can
be pretty natural though. ;-)
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mary rosenblum
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As long as it's realistic.
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mary rosenblum
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Often we blend verbalized
speech with an animal with thought.
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mary rosenblum
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If I'm going through a long
mental monolog about my rotten afternoon with some distant relatives...
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mary rosenblum
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I might speak some sentences
to my dogs, but a lot of that will be mental...
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mary rosenblum
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But if your character
consistently talks to his horse while he's grooming...
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mary rosenblum
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if he's a lonely and isolated
sort and his horse is obviously his confidant, that works.
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mary rosenblum
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Remember...
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mary rosenblum
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if you need a character to
behave a certain way in your story, build a character who WILL behave that
way naturally.
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bobbi
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What about if talking say to a
baby
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mary rosenblum
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That would work, bobbi.
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mary rosenblum
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Mom could tell baby just how
come life is tough right now, and how mom is sure they're going to be
okay...
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mary rosenblum
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and we'll learn a lot as we
listen.
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roe
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so how do we present our
mumbling -grumbling thoughts without using the words - she thought
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mary rosenblum
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Well, she thought, like she
said, is sometimes a very useful tag. It's not a case of 'never use
it'...just don't use it always either!
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mary rosenblum
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Jason prwled the edges of the
Homecoming crowd, out of place, the loser. Oughta be home working on math,
and why would Randi even look at him? He passed a knot of bright dresses,
recognized Carayn's little group too late...
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mary rosenblum
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winced at the giggles. Damn.
He squinted. There...over there just on the far side of the popcorn stand.
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mary rosenblum
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This is meant to let the
reader feel that we're overhearing Jason's thoughts. But making some of the
desciption sound like Jason's words...
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mary rosenblum
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Lose...Oughta be home working
on man...Damn...
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mary rosenblum
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we color all the description
with the feel of his thoughts.
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info
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it's kind of like tagging who
said what or to verify it was a thought, right?
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mary rosenblum
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Yes, exactly, info...
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mary rosenblum
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and if the reader might read
the thought as a spoken line, add that 'he thought'.
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mary rosenblum
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"I really don't want to
go. No kidding." Jason shoved his hands into his pockets. "Hey,
I'll see you tomrrow." But not if you see me first, he thought.
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mary rosenblum
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That 'he thought' reinforces
the fact that But not if you see me first is a thought, not said out loud.
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mary rosenblum
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You have to realize that some
readers are sloppy or careless or read too fast and help 'em out a bit.
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phil-w
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On a question that came up
earlier, I saw "sweat poped from a forehead". I had a hard time
visualizing that. Would oozed have been better?
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mary rosenblum
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This is a case of
inside/outside POV, phil.
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mary rosenblum
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If you suddenly break into a
sweat it can prickle and feel as if it has suddenly popped into being on
your skin.
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mary rosenblum
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Oozed, is more visual, which
puts the POV outside our MC.
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tory
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Mary, my critique group told me
to "always" italicize thought. But I've seen published books that
just let it flow as in your Anna example. both OK?
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mary rosenblum
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I never italicize thought,
tory. Italic makes the words sound like something different than speech,
often louder or not in a human voice.
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mary rosenblum
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Now some publishers insist on
italicizing internal thought...and if I run into those...such as Berkely,
who published my msyteries...
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mary rosenblum
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I simply stop using direct
thought, because I don't want it italicized.
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phil-w
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How can drops of liquid pop out
of anything?
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mary rosenblum
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It's a sensory image, phil,
not a visual one.
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mary rosenblum
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Remember, your description
comes from inside your POV...not from an outside watcher.
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mary rosenblum
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Sweat prickled her
underarms...
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mary rosenblum
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we can't SEE liquid prickle.
That is a feeling...so is 'popped out'...
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sande
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this may sound stupid but do you
use quotations marks?
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mary rosenblum
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Not stupid at all, sande! Once
upon a time...decades ago..yes, people did use "" to show
thought.
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mary rosenblum
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Not any more.
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mary rosenblum
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In my opinion, the best way to
do it is to punctuate it the way you punctuate any sentence...no italic as
few 'thought' tags as you can use...
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mary rosenblum
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and make sure it's clear from
context that this is thought.
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forest elf
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I had a character say some angry
things to her phone as she slammed it back on the receiver after an
infuriating conversation with a jerk....
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mary rosenblum
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That works, forest!
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mary rosenblum
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We do talk out loud to
ourselves...
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mary rosenblum
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That's fine.
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mary rosenblum
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Phil, it didn't come to me as
a question...
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mary rosenblum
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but to answer you...
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mary rosenblum
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no, you cannot use an
apostrophe to show thought.
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mary rosenblum
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It does get used to indicate a
brief and sudden change of tone. You know that's really a 'cute' look. She
smirked.
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mary rosenblum
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But many publishers won't use
them even for that...
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mary rosenblum
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so I wouldnt get into the
habit of relying on them.
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mary rosenblum
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This is the Tuesday Forum with
me, Mary Rosenblum, LR Web Editor, fiction and nonfiction writer. Today
we're talking about non narrative description. If you're new here, remember
that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word bubble'
next to the red question mark at the top of the screen, or use the ask a
question icon in order to ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't
reach me! You can also type /ask in front of your question to reach me.
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mary rosenblum
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When you write description,
ask yourself where you need to be standing in order to see that image.
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mary rosenblum
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In third or first person, it
should be -- inside your character's head!
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mary rosenblum
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Which makes character
description REALLY tough.
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mary rosenblum
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Anne had a delicate face,
green eyes, and curly red hair.
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mary rosenblum
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Where do we have to stand in
order to see that?
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mary rosenblum
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Outside the character.
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mary rosenblum
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So we are violating POV here.
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mary rosenblum
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Can you do that from INSIDE
the character and Anne's POV?
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mary rosenblum
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Yeah, but not nearly that
simply!
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mary rosenblum
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Anne brushed her hair back
impatiently, envying Becky her straight black crop. She hated curls and she
hated red hair even more.
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mary rosenblum
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We
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mary rosenblum
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We'll have to sneak in that
delicate face and green eyes another way or not at all...
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mary rosenblum
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you can't always include every
detail you WANT to include, you know.
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mary rosenblum
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This is a hard concept for
many new writers to realize...
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mary rosenblum
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but the story comes first. No
matter how much you love that detail, if it doesn't fit in this story, you
really need to leave it out.
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sande
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How much thought is too much
thought? two lines? four lines?
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mary rosenblum
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Sande, there is no 'standard'
like that...
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mary rosenblum
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but if you find yourself doing
mostly thought..
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mary rosenblum
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this might be a time when
first person will work better for you.
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mary rosenblum
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I had a story, "Skin Deep'
published in Asimov's recently and it was in first person...
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mary rosenblum
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mainly because the story is
very internal, and it would have been mostly thought.
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mary rosenblum
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So I simply put it into first
person.
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sweett
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Judith ran through the doorway,
heart pounding as her breath vanished. Charles should be here. Looking to
the left, Judith buckled at the heaving body on the floor. Would this work?
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mary rosenblum
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It's good, sweet. I'd leave
out the 'Looking to the left'...
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mary rosenblum
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Judith is in a state of high
emotion...would she be aware of that ...it's rather a narrative pause.
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mary rosenblum
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Charles should be here. The
heaving body on the floor buckled her knees.
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mary rosenblum
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We'll assume she SAW it.
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mary rosenblum
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And if you need to tell us
that it is to her left...if that is important.
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mary rosenblum
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She looked left. And buckled
at the heaving body on the floor.
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mary rosenblum
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All I did was make that 'she
looked left' sound choppy and fragmented the way her thoughts probably are,
now.
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t green
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as for character description, my
main character's eye color doesn't come into play until the last third of
the book... is this too late to mention eye-color? or will it 'shock' the
reader too much to discover her eye color might not be what they thought it
was?
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mary rosenblum
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Yeah, it's pretty late,
green...
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mary rosenblum
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Why bring it up at all? If
your readers gave her blue eyes, does it matter?
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mary rosenblum
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If the eye color DOES matter,
then yeah, I'd go back and figure out how to show 'em to us early on in the
book.
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t green
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it has to do with a medallion
and a prophecy
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mary rosenblum
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Definitely give us her eye
color early on then, t.
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mary rosenblum
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That is known as a 'plant'.
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mary rosenblum
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When you need to bring up an
important fact later in the story...
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mary rosenblum
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you need to 'plant' it early
on.
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t green
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can you suggest a way without
using mirrors?
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mary rosenblum
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Sure. Mirrors are the obvious
cliche!
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mary rosenblum
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You can have her compare
herself to someone... (he had green eyes, the same shade as hers)...
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mary rosenblum
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or let someone remark on it...
'You have the greenest eyes I've ever seen, Susie."
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mary rosenblum
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Or you can sneak that mirror
in in the form of a window in a lighted room after dark (reflects quite
well) or a pool of water...or what have you.
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roe
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you can have another character
say something about the color of her eyes
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mary rosenblum
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Yep.
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ladybird39pm
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ask/ What is this mean using
mirrors?
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mary rosenblum
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Most readers recognize that
mirror as a device to simply show us the character...
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mary rosenblum
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again, it's like pulling away
the curtain to show the audience the pupeteer back behind the curtain
pulling the strings! You don't want to do that..
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mary rosenblum
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you want the reader to see
real people not puppets.
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mbvoelker
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Characters who tease or insult
your MC are useful for some description -- especially if those physical
traits aren't normal.
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mary rosenblum
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They are indeed.
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mary rosenblum
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I often have to invent a new
'secondary character' who will feed us information by interacting with the
MC.
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mary rosenblum
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Never be afraid to make big
changes in your story.
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mary rosenblum
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It's the final version that
matters, not the first draft!
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mary rosenblum
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Once you get the technique of
non narrative description it's simple...
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mary rosenblum
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and of all the writing tools
you master...
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mary rosenblum
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it will do the most to really
bring your story to life...
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mary rosenblum
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It is a huge dividing line
between a story that is no different than the others in the slush pile...
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mary rosenblum
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and one that really stands out
and grabs the editor's attention.
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mary rosenblum
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It's really worth working on.
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mary rosenblum
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Start by using your 'find'
feature on your word processor to look for 'was' 'is' 'are' 'were' and get
rid of them.
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mary rosenblum
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Every one if you can...nearly
all if you can't. :-) Rewrite that sentence or even three or four so that
you can convey the same info without the 'to be' verb.
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mary rosenblum
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That will help you a lot right
there. It's a great start.
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mary rosenblum
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I took a graduate writing
course at our local University one year, long ago.
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mary rosenblum
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The first exercise was a two
page descriptive piece without a SINGLE to be verb in it.
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mary rosenblum
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That was NOT easy!
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mary rosenblum
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Try it. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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It's a great exercise.
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roe
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great contest idea when you have
more time
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mary rosenblum
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Hmm...maybe we need a
Christmas contest...
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mary rosenblum
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I'll definitely think about
that.
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mary rosenblum
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Well, this has been a fun
Oregon hour...hmmm...
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mary rosenblum
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stay tuned for a Christmas
contest...a 'twas the night before christmas piece with NO to be verbs...
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mary rosenblum
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If you sign up for the email
updates, you'll get the notice of what I decide to do and when.
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gskearney
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ARRGH! As if I didn't have
enough to do??
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mary rosenblum
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Come on gary, do a SF one...
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mary rosenblum
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And of course, you can all
send your submissions to storyhouse.com afterward. :-)
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mary rosenblum
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They make GOOD coffee!
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bobbi
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I will try it one more time.
Would this work? She stood barely five foot tow with delicate features,
emerald eyes, ;her beauty natural and unassuming.
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mary rosenblum
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Well, this is very nice
description, bobbi...
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mary rosenblum
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but where do you have to stand
to see her? Outside her, right? IF she is your POV character, this is a
problem...
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mary rosenblum
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it puts us OUTSIDE her POV.
You chould ...
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mary rosenblum
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could show her height to us as
she stretches to reach a cup on the top shelf...
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mary rosenblum
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or has to ask her boyfriend to
get it down. Her boyfriend could tell her how her face is so delicate...
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mary rosenblum
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he's almost afraid to touch
it... someone can remark on her emerald eyes, or she can think that her
eyes are just as green as her friend Miranda's....
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mary rosenblum
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That keeps us INSIDE her
POV....
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mary rosenblum
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Well, I'll post the transcript
of this in Writing Craft: Forum Transcript, all.
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mary rosenblum
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See you on Friday...
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mary rosenblum
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we may work more with this
topic for our After Hours...
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mary rosenblum
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maybe something hands on
again.
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speckledorf
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Good forum...now to
apply...sigh.
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mary rosenblum
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Don't be discouraged. It's
harder than it seems....once you 'get' it, as I said, it's a snap. Getting
it however, takes some work! But DO work on it...
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mary rosenblum
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because it will really make a
HUGE difference in your work.
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mary rosenblum
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See you on Friday...I think we
will do a hands on...
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mary rosenblum
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Bye all!
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